Mommy, are we good enough?

by Rachel Faulkner Brown

 

“Mommy, were we good?”

That was the question that caused me to stop in my tracks! Rod’s mom had just left and they were playing a made up version of go fish with two half decks of cards. They were so quiet while we talked I really had to look over the couch to see if they were even still there! 

She closed the door and that tiny innocent question fell so hard on my soul!

Why does an 8-year-old ask that?  

What is the root of that question?

What have I projected for you to even know to ask that? 

I’ve learned two things over the last few days in an effort to understand the whys. 

1) I’ve learned that in an effort to train my children, to have appropriate respect for adults in conversation, I have been extreme and they are performing for me.
2) I’ve learned the child who asked the question, is wired to please me (like many of us). 

So, in knowing these two things I am asking Jesus to help me teach respect without performance and for me to understand my child’s beautiful wiring.  We all want our kids to not interrupt, but I want them to understand why! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have not explained why and they are at an age where an explanation beyond ‘because I said so’ would and could be received! But I also want to make the connection that we respect adults because we love them.

Because of His great love for us, we love.”

It will be a constant conversation and one that we started over dinner last night! “Davis, do you remember asking me if you were good when Grammy left the other night?” He did remember! “Davis, more than anything else I want you to know that no matter if you had been ‘good’ or if you had made bad choices, Mommy still loves you for who you are..not what you do!”

Courtney says in In this House We Will Giggle:

 I pray that when we feel the urge to change our children, we’ll instead fight to learn them.”

I am fighting to understand and learn the heart behind the question!  It is constant…and guess what …Jesus gently reminds me that I am loved for who I am not what I do everyday. Everyday!!!!

I truly feel like my daily mission is to help my children to see and receive the Father’s great love for them when they can’t see it! Really, isn’t that it? 

As Courtney talks about in her new book, we long for our children to feel valued! And, I want them to value others because they have experienced the knowing of being heard and accepted for who they are. 

It is a journey we are blessed to walk! I sincerely out of need want to know how do you teach manners and respect without performance?

 

What are your tricks, your phrases? Help me. help myself!!

 

Do you struggle with wanting good kids like me?

Yet wanting them to know Jesus more than anything?