Brain Dump on Motherhood

So, I’m too frazzled to make this neat and tidy. These are the things swirling in my head that I want to blog about. In no particular order. And a little soapbox-ish.

1. Did someone shove pollen up my nose?

Seriously. I am about to sneeze my head off.

2. This baby is 5.

I sure did bawl through carpool. And a HUGE thank you to the people that just let me cry about that vs pushing me to move on and embrace it her growth. Some days you don’t need a pep talk to get over it.  I just needed a moment – to be a teary mom that her preschool days were short. That my teeny tiny Tars was officially big. Several sweet sympathy hugs and looks from moms that get it – really made my day. (yes, there are more than 5 candles.. whatev)

3. Call ahead I say.

If your child begs for an American Girl cafe lunch for her birthday/spring break for about 2 years –  you should call more than 2 weeks before. “I’m sorry ma’am. We are booked. But we have a deluxe room available.” And the ashamed mom who couldn’t disappoint her child said, ‘book it.” Call ahead people. Ouch said the wallet. Thank heavens for the grandmothers that bought the doll. As my dad said, ‘This place is a racket.” It’s actually pretty dang dreamy.

4. Simple parties are my new thing.

On her actual birthday (yesterday), we had some friends over for dinner. All in a day – I bought some presents, shoved my house disaster in a couple closets, ordered pizza, and blew up a few balloons. She was happy as a clam. I am ALL FOR A THEME. I really love to do a Pinterest party – but they really stress me out if it’s not perfect. I think I’m leaning towards birthday party simple. It’s so much better for all involved. Unless the kid really delights in those details or you have fun doing it and it doesn’t stress you. I’m just a whacko when a theme takes over my body and I forget about my own kid. (And because she is really Tinkerbell – you see her treasures at the back? A few rocks and a shell?)

5. Teachers aren’t paid enough.

Larson has been asking (for about a year) if her 3-day teacher – could come to her birthday party. So, she did. This woman. She’s like a celebrity. I vote that all teachers at The Weekday School get a raise stat. They go above and beyond. Please look at that face.

6. Can kids be kids?

I am getting a tad frustrated with the URGENCY my kids have to grow up. I am pushing against culture and their friends. It’s ok to be little girls. We aren’t going to watch that show anymore. I’m just saying no. We are going to play dolls. We aren’t getting that gadget or doing this or that. In our family, we are going to play for a bit longer. I know there is pressure. I am not going to embarrass them or shame them. They won’t be watching Dora at 12 or wearing mary janes to prom. However… If I’m going to dazzle them or make them feel cool – it’s not going to be making them the FIRST to get the coolest or next thing that puts them two years ahead of the game. There are loads of ways to make them feel different and unique and special without aiming for ahead of the game. Maybe I’m cranky about Larson’s bday – but take off the daisy dukes girls and put back on your dresses. Grab a doll and let’s go pick a flower. You are 5 and 7. I am realizing the tension and fighting against my own tendencies to say yes too quickly.

As Sissy Goff says, One day you will get to do that, but today is not that day.

7. Are you paid to promote?

I looked back at my Instagram and other social media channels – and I DO promote an awful lot of things. I am not paid. I just look at my channels as a way to lift up moms. There are so many of you working so hard to make a difference. Following your callings and working from your gifts. It just feels so good when others notice and share. I KNOW because many of you have done it for me. I can’t do it for everyone – and I try to only share things I have actually consumed, read or actually know the person well. And the things I share are always run through the mission of Lil Light O’ Mine – they should be a tool that helps “empower moms and change little lives in the home.” So, get Parenting the Wholehearted Child like stat. It came out today and I love her. 🙂

8. Did I tell you I have a counselor?

The best money ever spent. I finally got a counselor. I am not OK releasing a book and letting my own family or personal life implode. This lady is awesome. I have tons to share on what I am learning. Huge thing last time – she said, “What if you order your summer based on what YOU need vs what THEY need?” What! Shocking! I have never done that. I have never looked at all of the weeks and thought about how many days I need to work and how many hours or days I need a sitter or a camp to get my job accomplished so I can fully be present with them at the pool. Mindset shift. I am notorious for putting thousands of people before my own needs and then scratching my head when I’m in a puddle crying from exhaustion. PS – Printed out a summer look via calendar labs. Sweet!

9. What else can I cut?

My counselor also said a painful truth. You say you want things more simple and peaceful  but your schedule and life reflect the complete opposite. Yeah – so help! That’s why I’m here! So, cut the TV thing, pausing one bible study, can’t meet for coffee or lunch with anyone until book is done (edit phase), establishing “work hours” so kids get me after school. etc etc. Baby steps out of chaos towards peace.

10. God used my girl

I went to Muffins for Moms this morning and Ella handed me this card. And it was everything I had in me to keep it together. I needed this affirmation so bad. Ella and I are having some hard days right now. What I hear from her is not this. I hear “mean” and “not fair” and “no mother does that.” And to learn she feels this is all I need.

I feel like God showed me this is like seeing truth with fresh eyes and we have to choose to believe it. Put it up and frame it. Claim it. What do you think your children and God really think about you? Own it. Claim it.