Not a BRIDEzilla but an AUTHORzilla

Y’all, I’m an animal.

What do you get when you combine a perfectionist with a marketing girl with an achiever with a first-time author???


Not a BRIDEzilla…

but an AUTHORzilla.


I’ve officially lost it.


I was mean to my mom.

I sent a snippy email to my friend Crystal.

I can’t even count the exchanges, miscommunication and frustrations between myself and publisher.


If you are a bride-to-be, momma-to-be, author-to-be… any that has the main stage coming your way, can you learn from me for just a sec?

Maybe you aren’t as crazy as me and you’ve figured this out already.


When I was a bride, my precious mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer and suddenly the flowers that were making me stay up at night were worthless. I wanted that woman on the front row so badly. Nothing else mattered. Perspective is such a gift.

She made it. And it was the sweetest wedding day ever. The cutest favors EVER – went off my list and we rolled up little scrolls that said “in lieu of favors, we are honored to make a donation to Susan B Komen.” I was able to  think less of myself and actually find Ron’s eyes as I walked the aisle and thank my parents on that day. And leave notes for the moms on the seat.

Thinking less of myself on my wedding was an unexpected gift breast cancer brought to our wedding.

By keeping my eyes focused on the most important things in life – I didn’t let the little things consume me.

The first time I had a baby, it was pretty consuming and scary and I didn’t really think much about others. The second time – I was able to pull up a bit and think more about my mom and his mom and how to make it more of a special day for them. Include them quicker. Perspective is such a gift.

I like ME better when I’m not so selfish. So self-absorbed. So demanding that the world watch, wait, serve – me.

Now, here we are – book time. I spy an AUTHOR-ZILLA.

And it’s starting to choke me. The self absorption. I think this one is rooted in fear. Thinking I must control every outcome and every detail of the “plan” to make this book reach as many moms as possible. God breathed the project here – so I better trust him to get the job done. Amen?

I know He is capable, but I am a doer. I like to do my part and I love to be busy. I feel so awkward in silence and rest. And heaven forbid when something goes wrong or off schedule – it just sends me for a loop. And then I regret my reaction. Because it is NOT in line with who I want to be.

So, the details aren’t important – the silly things that are going wrong and off schedule. The important things is how I will respond. Will I take notice from this point and stop pouncing? Actually trust that God has this? Will I let these things (that aren’t that big of a deal) just roll because it’s just a book? And life is about so much more?

I heard this whisper over and over again yesterday. I GOT THIS.

And wouldn’t you know cancer makes it way into my life again for perspective?

My dear Bobbie – my agent’s wife. Hospice has been called.

My problems are not problems. Robert is preparing to say goodbye to his wife. And my friends goodbye to their mom. I want to honor her. Her last words to me this month: “It’s just a book, your life’s work is your family.”



Lord, please refine me during this process. Let me make YOU famous. Stop me in my tracks before I send an email or pick up that phone. Do I trust you? Or am I controlling things that just don’t matter? Lord, let me use this launch as a time to honor and include so many special people. Let me keep the parents and kids that will get this in my heart and prayers.
I pray that my day is filled with encouragement for others – not nit-picky complaints. My success is not in numbers. It’s in how I love.  How I trust. How I glorify you behind closed doors. Let me keep my family as my life’s best work. It’s just a book. I love you. I am grateful.

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  1. Teary reading this because I can identify and I am not even an author! Type – A perfectionists like myself have an inner battle every day with this and this post is awesome for bring us back to reality! I LOVE how you keep it real because I often imagine you as perfectly poised most of the time! Praying for your friend – cancer has a way of minimizing the day to day stuff for sure!

  2. Hi Courtney – this post made me think about a commentary I read in my Community Bible Study that has really stuck with me. Thought I would share. “Waiting is sometimes the hardest thing we are asked to do. Waiting is an activity. It can be hellish if filled with doubt and self-pity; on the other hand, it can be a ‘mountaintop’ spiritual experience if done with an attitude of waiting for the Lord (Isaiah 30:18).” Praying for you and can’t wait to read the book!

  3. Oh Courtney, you are right and HE has got this. Isn’t it amazing the things He has already done? And the things we can thank him for that hasn’t happened yet? He has put you in this place at this time. Own it, girl. Its part of your story. Every time you open your raw heart He uses it to minister to others. Let’s praise God today for being who He is. “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

  4. this is so great. Praying for you and the work you are doing. You are helping HIS kingdom. Comforting and reinforcing the hearts of women (us) who are on the front lines of our Life’s work and needing backup. To God be the Glory every day.

  5. My face is full of tears! You have such a heart for God and He is using you in mighty ways. Even the fact that He let you get a lil crazy like to teach others through it. I pray so many blessings on your new adventure as a real big time author and know he will get that book into all the hands that need to read it! Sit back and enjoy the fruits!

  6. Love your honesty Courtney. We have all been a woman”zilla”, so we “get you”. It is easy to lose perspective and to get off track. I love how you came back to the cross, back to what matters and back to truth. God will change lives and families through your book. Praying for you, sweet friend!

  7. I love this so much. You are so honest and humble, and I love your heart. Being willing to admit mistakes and ask forgiveness can be so hard, and something that I often struggle with. That prayer at the end – oh my. I need to print that off.

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