Build ‘Em Up – What To Do When You’re Unglued
I was sitting at an event and the speaker pierced me with this,
“I didn’t have an anger problem until I had kids.”
The room erupted with laughter. I turned splotchy, laughed nervously and looked around to see if anyone else looked “busted.” I also felt incredibly encouraged. At that point, I knew I couldn’t be alone if this awesome mom and speaker owned up to it and hundreds others laughed knowing it was true.
High pressure and stress are nothing new to me. I have orchestrated large events and pressed “approved” on tons of marketing pieces. I am familiar with the hot seat and leading from it – well, I have been known to cry on the job when it got too much. Shocker.
NOTHING has pushed my buttons like parenting.
Ron has joked that I have an inverted fuse. So not just a little bit of patience – like negative patience. I’m starting in the hole most days. A wise friend just told me the other day that a “temper is just a maturity issue.” Oh so true.
My name is Courtney and I come unglued, too often.
The reason I love this Build ‘Em Up series with Erin, Jennifer and Kelly is not because we need more blog followers or because we had a catchy name – we truly have our hearts set on encouraging women. Our key statement: “good doesn’t have to equal perfect.”
We can share what’s working in our lives to build each other up NOT to show we are all that. Or, profess this “perfect mom” mentality.
So, today, I come to you with a heavy heart. A head hanging low because this is one of my biggest struggles. I will have far less “tips and advice” and my encouragement to you today is that “I know” and “I’ve been there.” It doesn’t make it right or fun, but I want to fight this with you. For the sake of our precious kids and the delicate spirit that breaks within them – this is a topic we cannot ignore.
I am aware of these common culprits.
- When I’m busy… I am not patient.
- When I’m distracted… I am less tolerant.
- When they are left alone to entertain themselves… I am not teaching.
- When they are tired and I am tired… my expectations are way too high.
- When they explode… I am quick to get loud with them to end it quick.
- When I feel out of control… I panic.
- When they are defiant (and often acting their age) … I am aggravated.
- When I have too much on my plate… I don’t ask for help, I just get frustrated.
This is how I explained it to Lysa in the book Unglued (page 15), Courtney honestly admitted “I come unglued when I feel out of control because my kids are whining or negotiating and won’t listen. I like silence, calm, obedience and control. When it’s not going ‘my way,’ I come unglued and freak out and it goes quiet. And then the regret comes.”
So, how do we combat this? With God, I know that for sure! Tell me! I would really love to hear your thoughts on how you cope with this. When your kids are fighting or you feel it rising in your soul – do you count to 10? Walk outside? Pray? Breathe in and out? Remember they are just kids and get a grip?
I KNOW the things that work for me – regular time with God first thing, regular exercise, saying NO to more, scheduling my work so I’m not trying to do all things well simultaneously, getting rest, realistic expectations and proper perspective of the situation. I would love to hear what’s working with you (link up if you have a blog or just comment below).
I have the pleasure of calling Lysa TerKeurst my friend. We met through our Chick-fil-A connections and she is amazing as you think. I’m pretty sure she wrote Unglued for me (not really), but it’s a wonderful resource to understand this common issue for women.
I have just starting using the devotional daily and it’s so short but SO profound. I can get my mind around one thought/one truth and it sits with me all day.
I asked her to share some treats with us and she did! Thank you Lysa for being one awesome cheerleader for me, for sharing from your struggles and giving us all the courage to fight through the mess with God on our side.
I also just found out about another awesome resource for you guys! Another Proverbs 31 author/speaker, Karen Ehman, has a fun challenge this week “Pause Before You Pounce” that goes right in line with what we are discussion. Check it out!
LINK UP
By sharing your story of unglued and how you cope using the link up tools at the bottom.
ENTER TO WIN
By simply commenting below
You may enter here and also over at Erin, Kelly or Jennifer’s site until Friday at midnight.
1 winner picked per blog – 4 winners total.
Bundle includes Unglued Book, Unglued devotional and key tags.
Discounted here if interested in buying.
This book sounds awesome! Would love to win it!!
Courtney, This is my biggest challenge as a mom too and I fail at it too often. What works best for me is having my morning quiet time (which I don’t do way too often because I’m running), exercise and rest (which I also don’t get often enough). Thanks for such an honest post!!
I would love to win this bundle! I have a 24 year old and a 17 year old and it amazes me how I can still come unglued. That very first quote you had made me laugh because I hear myself say that a lot – and it’s true! But, so many times I’ve felt alone in that and have really struggled with this issue. I’ve read a lot of Lysa’s work and watched her webcast on this book – very good! Thank you!
Praying works for me. Some days its an almost constant, “God, get me through the next 10 minutes, please.” I also try to teach my children healthy ways to express their anger (using words, taking a deep breath, asking for a hug) and I try to do those more as well. My son is 2.5 and does all of these pretty well, especially with a little reminder from me. And, now he reminds me to take a deep breath sometimes and that really brings it into perspective for me! My daugther will be one in 3 days (!) and can also take a deep breath when told to, but most of her tantrums are ended quickly by me holding her (which is very age appropriate).
Thank you for sharing! Exercise, rest, and saying no to too many activities also help me.
Courtney, we are so much alike. And I am so thankful to know that I’m not alone in my behavior. 🙂 I’ve found lately that if I’m not eating a balanced diet, I’m more likely to come unglued. Crazy! I’ve got to stay in the word. I’ve got to pray. And I’ve got to walk away. (And keeping an organized, mostly clear calendar never hurt me either.)
Thank you for sharing! The book and devotional sound very interesting. I had my first “unglued” experience yesterday with my 17 month old who decided to climb on top of the kitchen table 20 times. Perfect post with perfect timing!
Thank you for sharing! It is a daily battle!
For me, I find our best days (and my best attitude!) is when I’m up before the rest of my family and I’m able to have a good 30 minutes in the Word alone. If the kids wake up before me, I find we start the day out with me being irritable and grumpy…and that rubs off on my kiddos. Love this post! Thank you!!
Oh.my.word. this is what i need…..as the mom of a (challenging) 3 year old at the tail end of both a deployment and a pregnancy, i come unglued so often these days, it seems that peace is rare. this is certainly not how i envisioned motherhood, nor how i want to move forward.
I am so thankful that you have shared this story…. I have been struggling with coming unglued since my little boy turned 2….. And now I know I’m not alone! My little boy is my entire world, but he is so stubborn and prideful and it’s difficult for me to overcome that with grace. I can’t wait to read more from this series!
when I feel like I am starting to come unglued I TRY ( notice I said I TRY)to take time to question will this build up or tear down those that I am in conflict with, or will it make things easier or harder on me if I come unglued with the situation. I have not arrived yet but I am growing closer to controllling my unglued moments. I havent read this book yet but I have heard so many great comments about how ladies have grown closer to God through moments that would of caused them to come unglued through reading this book.
Thanks for sharing! I can feel myself coming “unglued”, and most of the time, I feel powerless to stop it! Looking forward to reading through all of the other suggestions. I do find that I come unglued most often when I’m not getting enough “me” time. Exercise/running is my “me” time!
I love just bring encouraged that I am not alone in this battle! I prayed for wisdom on how to discipline my 2 year old and God spoke Micah 6:8 to my heart! He does meet the humble mama that cries out to Him for wisdom and now just praying for strength to walk it out daily!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Looks like a book that I could really use. 🙂
I would love to read this book!
Courtney, everything you wrote, I was thinking that those could have been my own words! It is comforting to know I’m not the only one! I have struggled with this for years and have made progress, but I have so far to go! I’d love to read this book! Thanks!
i really need to read this book. just reading your testmony is making me realize that i am guilty of coming unglued way too often with my litte ones. thanks for the giveaway!
I thank you for being so open and transparent. I have been struggling a lot with this lately. I find myself blowing up at my son and raising my voice at him. He is very persistent and determined. Sometimes he doesn’t take “no” for an answer so it pushes me over the edge. I find myself begging God for forgiveness a lot!
Love your blog and LOVE Lysa! It’s a real comfort hearing from other Moms with the same struggles and same intentions with their children! Thank you for sharing and bringing some encouragement on those days when I need it! God bless you!
I am forwarding this blog to my daughter, mother of 3 energetic children under 6. She is a Godly awesome mother… But struggles at times with strong willed children… And anger. The Unglued devotional will help her,of this I am certain.
I can SO relate!! Unglued is a great term for it too! Sounds like a great book!
Dealing with the “unglued” moments can be so HARD! I’m always looking for new approaches. I tend to try and break them down into smaller pieces, if I can.
Looking forward to reading Unglued!
I think this post was written for me! I certainly needed this small boost of encouragement today, so thank you. Patience is my greatest challenge!
thanks so much for sharing your heart on this topic, Courtney! i just finished going through this study with a group of women, and see that i’ll need to re-read the book again and again to help it sink deeper into my heart. love what you said about starting with a patience deficit…sounds like you’ve been reading my journal! blessings!
I love this book and could read it over and over again because each time I pull something new out of it!
This is an awesome study!!! One that you can go back to time and again because of our “unglued” moments.
Wow…this topic screams my name. I feel like I am emotional rope ready to snap at any moment most of the time. I am trying to concentrate more on God’s word and less on everything else! Would love a copy of the book!
I am so excited to read these books. My women’s bible study group at my children’s school is going to use these for our next years study!
“When I feel out of control… I panic.” Sounds totally familiar! While I adore our sweet babe, the constant fight against the piles of laundry, middle of the night wake ups, teething, and LIFE just totally overwhelm me sometimes. Looking forward to hearing more about Lysa’s thoughts, also.
I seem to be unglued more than glued lately, I really should pick up this book! 🙂
Thanks for being real!
Thank you for sharing, and for allowing us to link up with your blog. I soooo appreciate women who are honest about their emotions, but don’t want to stay there either.
Thank you for sharing! It is a daily and constant battle to respond instead of react!
Courtney- When I saw the Build Em’ Up Topic schedule a while back, I was anticipating this day. This topic has been heavy on my heart since I had my second in July. Somehow twice the amount of kids, means much more than twice the stress. I love your honesty in this post. Recently I found this prayer for ‘Unglued’ times. I now read it daily.
Oh give me patience when wee hands
tug at me with their small demands.
And give me gentle and smiling eyes.
Keep my lips from hasty replies.
And let not weariness, confusion or noise
obscure my vision of life’s fleeting joys.
So when years to come my house is still –
no bitter memories its rooms may fill.
-Unknown Author
Brook @ Mama Bee No E
Where do I start? This is THE area I am on my face before the Lord about more than any other. Being in ministry, there can be much shame & guilt regarding the fact that I don’t have control in the area of anger. Then He whispers, “Finally, you DON’T have control in any area without my Spirit and you can have the freedom to surrender & I will help you!” Now I am beginning to see how many other moms I ‘minister’ to are struggling with this same ‘newfound’ sin and are too ashamed to let anyone know. Thank you, Courtney, for your honesty, transparency to admit you are fallen and in need of a Saviour, everyday, just like everyone of us this Mother’s Day, when we may feel like we’re not the Best Mom In The World :-)!
Courtney ~ WOW! I feel like I was writing this today. You described me to a tee….and I am so not liking my parenting during these times that I become unglued. Thanks for sharing.
I’m a stuffer until I explode when I come unglued. It’s a bad combination as I don’t seem to process things while I stuff them. This book looks like a great book!
I recently saw Lysa speak and felt “called out” about my parenting as well. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, but still convicting because I SO need to work on NOT becoming Unglued! Thanks for being real in your post!
I was really convicted by what you said about a temper being a maturity issue. Sometimes I think my unglued moments are just my grown-up temper tantrums and I’m acting just like my 2-year-old! I am an exploder and I’ve seen what it does to my precious husband and son. I don’t want to be the person that makes them feel that way! I like what you’ve said about knowing your triggers. I need to be more self-aware of my triggers so that I can avoid them or, at least, be mentally prepared to deal with them in a correct manner. I’m about to have our second son and transition to being a stay-at-home-mommy so I KNOW I will need to imprint the lessons from this book on my heart.
This was perfect for me today. I became “Unglued” just last night when my 3 yr old refused to take his meds. He needs those meds for a bad eye infection. When I say refused, did I mention that he spit them out? Got choked and spewed them all over the floor? Oh, I have cried at my failure! Begged forgiveness from the little one and God. The humbling part is both forgave willingly. ” and a child will lead them..” Most days I think I don’t have an anger/ sin issue. Then a “yesterday” happens and I see my need of my Saviour so clearly. Thank you for your honest post. Here is mine! Blessings!
I am glad I just found this series, as it piggy backs off of my having a conversation with another mother about how I feel like the problems I am having with my kids and how I view my success as a mom (I feel like I am failing and lost most days) is shared by others.
I don’t feel so alone and this series broadens that audience of not being perfect. I’m learning to be ok with that (now that I am working full time again). Would LOVE the bundle to help me on my journey.
Thank you for sharing this post and this series! It reminds me to take time each day with the Lord to be the best version of myself for my child, my husband, my friends and my students.
I feel unglued when I’m tired or sick. I’ve had some issues with my allergies and fatigue for some time. I finally went to the doctor. It’s so hard for me to put myself first, ever… I find when I make time to care for myself through studying the Word, fellowship with sisters in Christ, prayer, and exercise I am able to keep it together so much more.
Laprochaine@gmail.com
i have been struggling with this myself. Just talked to my hubby about my anger issues 2 nights ago. love how God is walking so many of us through this together.
Oh my, well I believe u said it all for me & so many times I hang my head with the remorse & guilt. I have began reading the Unglued, too. My best coping is to stop & pray.
I just saw her speak at the Wichita Women of Faith conference and I would love to have this book!
I would love a copy of unglued for all my MANY unglued moments! I have been struggling a lot with those lately! 🙁
The I am aware of these common culprites were very good reminders for me. I have written them out and placed them where I can read them daily. Thank you!
I would love to win this! I come unglued way too often. :/
I have heard much about this “Unglued” of which they speak. I said…”that’s not ME!” But I think maybe that’s not true. Would love have the book.
These are some wonderful tips for every mom to have in their grasps. I hope I am blessed enough to win them.
Thank you for sharing! I am a work in progress & I can only hope I do better each time. I did this bible study & it was wonderful! I would love to win this bundle to share with my daughter.
Thank you for your transparency! My kids need me to have this book 🙂
I didn’t have an anger problem until I had kids…that statement fits me so perfectly. I seem to have less patience for them than anyone else on the planet 🙁 I think I need to read this book.
I would love to win this book. I have heard many great things about it.
We are using Unglued in my women’s group right now. I have the book, the study guide and the DVD…..and I LOVE it!
No anger problem til kids is my downfall as well. Most days it seems my husband and I are really the ones with the attitudes that need adjusted…. even though we’re telling our 7 year old to check his. Really looking forward to reading this book.
courtney, enjoyed reading your blog.
I’ve read two of her books and would love to win this one!! Thanks for being real….it’s always nice to know your not alone in this thing called life!!
I have my moments just as everyone else does. When I am facing those times I come unglued I get in a little dirt therapy. Cleaning flower beds gives me a whole new look at things that a moment ago was a mountain and now it is just a little hill.
I would love to win this package! I’ve definitely had an “unglued”
morning myself with my 3 year old and 18 month old little girls! I also
have a mom’s group at our local park that could definitely benefit from
this devotional – we just finished Jen Hatmaker’s book Out of the Spin Cycle and need something new!
I need this package. I work at a motel where guests lie about how many people will be in their room, leave side doors propped open so their friends can slip into the motel, steal the flat-screen TVs, bedspreads, TV remotes, etc. It is so easy for me to come “unglued” at work.
I have been thinking about this Unglued book off and on from the first time I saw it mentioned on Lysa’s website.The problem is, I forget that I need the book until the next time I come unglued!! And by the way, I love how “real” all of you women are. Thanks for reminding us that we are not alone!
I would love this pacakge! I am a new mom and a junior high teacher. I fight coming “unglued” often these days. I feel bad because my baby is just a baby and crying and fussing is her way of letting me know she needs something. I also have a hard time asking for help from others. When I’m overwhelmed I pray and exercise to relax. Would love to have a devotional!
I could use this package, my birthday is in 2 days and it would be a nice gift 😉 Recently I’ve been coming unglued more and more. We have a lot going on, it seems to be a busy season and we are also dealing with a lot of unknowns, jobs, home, future, etc.
With 7 children the challenge to not become unglued is daily, new tool and stragies will help everyone involved in my family. I want to leave a legacy that my children can and will follow all the way to Jesus s feet!
This was what I needed to read today, actually should read
this every day. What a sigh of relief knowing I’m not alone in feeling less of
a mother, cranky, tired, and most times just overwhelmed with all the bad
feelings at once. I ask God often how He would expect me to be the mother He
would expect me to be let alone be a mother at all. Lately I’ve had so much
anger build up that I get short with the kids and just wish it would only get
easier, which I know it doesn’t but I keep praying it dose. I’ve slowly learned
to ask for the Lords help, to help control my anger and short temper. Some days
have gotten better but they are few and far between. I can make excuses, blame
something or some else or have a pity party, but that only makes my matters
worse. I feel like I focus on all the bad and none of the good. I’m going to be
missing so much if I don’t change now and that scares me. I want to be the
perfect mom because I’m the perfectionist. Thing is no one is perfect, certainly
not me. I would love the Unglued package, maybe it can keep me glued together.
I would love to win this; I rented it from the library but feel like I need more time to really dive into it!
I am so encouraged by this Build ‘Em up time with you ladies. Thank you for your honesty and for helping moms like me to not feel so alone in our struggles. I am so excited to hear about this book, Unglued and seriously can not wait to read it. I agree with you and feel like this book had to me written just for me. This struggle of becoming unglued has been a huge part of my prayer life and I really want to work on this as I am striving (praying daily ) to raise my two precious boys to be little followers and lovers of Jesus. Thank you for being real and so willing to share!
Thank you so much for this post!
I had an unglued moment last night as I yelled at my two-year-old son for “moving too slow” as he was picking up toys before bedtime. My irrational mind was telling me that he was moving slow to spite me and delay bedtime. I always feel bad immediately after those moments, especially as he sobbed while I apologized for losing my temper and tried to explain why I got so upset. I realized at that moment that none of what was going through my irrational mind was right. The only thing that I know to do is pray and work on my patience level. It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only mother that flies off the handle, especially when God has blessed me with two wonderful (maybe not always so well-behaved, but they are children afterall) and sweet children. I would love my own copy of this book.
Thanks for sharing your story Courtney. Blessings all summer through!
Oh, count me in on lacking patience! I am trying hard though!
It would be wonderful to win this, especially as a homeschooling mom of 4. I hope that you are praying for guidance in the process of choosing the winner. 🙂
Thanks for sharing… I love your approach and thoughts on this! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story! As the mother of a 21 yr old, and 18 yr old and a 4 yr old, my patience is tested on different levels daily!!
Thank you for sharing.. your children are beautiful!!
There is power in numbers! To realize that you are not alone and we all reach that Unglued point from time to time is actually comforting!!! I think whining for no reason as I try my hardest to get my little sweet to use her big girl words with no luck is what really gets me going. Not proud that I get irritated but I do. I know that I am a work in progress <3 Believing that I am a better me each and every day!!
Would love to read this! I have 5 kids under 8 yrs. and honestly, it is a struggle to always remain calm and “glued together. ” Thanks for the article. It was just the encouragement I needed today.
I am a grandmother, but I still find this to be a great blog and will pass it on to my daughter and daughter in-law.
Can’t wait to read this book!
Thank you for sharing this. I am a 51 year old mother and grandmother and need encouragement! We are all a work in progress 🙂
I love Lysa’s books. I would love to win them!
Would love to win. Would love to read this and share
Wow what a slap in the face! I think you are personally in my house. I have been going through chemo this past year and have 1 more treatment left~praise God! I am on different drugs that give me lack of energy and 0 patience, very frustrating! I thank God He showed me your page today! Thank you for your inspiration and telling it as it is! May God bless your week!!!
I have 4 kids under 4. Two of them have autism. Need I say more? Being unglued is a regular event around these woods. I haate bible study Beth Moore types, but I picked Lysa’s book up at B&N one day, and found myself amused and challenged. I’d love to get a copy of the book and devotional. I’ll pass on the key tags 😉
I loved reading your insight! And would love to win this bundle!
woooohoooooooo would LOVE to give this to my mom for mothers day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for sharing!
Loved readying your blog! And I would love to win this bundle! THank You so very much – Debbie Johnson – rdjohnson@bellsouth.net
I’ve been working on pausing before I react and it’s helping me.
With 3 daughters and homeschooling 2 of them, being a youth pastor wife and a mom to many teenage girls life can quickly become unglued. I love reading and being encouraged by other woman who can give me wisdom through these stressful days.
Wonderful encouragement! This is something I struggle with continually but I am so thankful for God’s grace and new mercies!
I have wanted this book all year, but my husband is on furlough so I have to be budget conscious…I have 4 kids and would love to learn more about how to keep myself from becoming “Unglued.” I love reading Lysa’s books and am so encouraged by her insight and authenticity. Thanks for the opportunity! ^_^
I have 3 kids, and I love hearing that I am not alone with my struggles.
i have done the study on Lisa recently. but would love to win and be able to share as a prize for our MOMS group. i want to share the book so bad and just waiting on Gods timing to introduce it.
I love this book and feel every mom should have a copy. I have given two copies away and recommend it to everyone I meet. It has helped me so much.
very encouraging, thank you for sharing!
Currently doing Made to Crave with 21 women…first ever for our church …Wow we are blessed and we just decided we would like to do unglued next…crazy that I see this today…or is it 🙂
Thank you for sharing. I am a mom of 3 boys and I struggle with patience a lot. It is a on going battle that I am determined to win.
One of my most recent tricks is to find something to be thankful for in the moment. I learned that from Ann Voskamp. It helps quiet your mind and find the joy.
When I become unglued I give myself a time out. This gives me time just to breath again
Thank You!
I heard Lysa speaking on a Focus on the Family podcast and her words brought tears to my eyes. I was SO relieved that I’m not the only Mom who loves her kids with every breath, but finds them capable to bring me to that point of explosion.
Thank you for sharing your Unglued moments, everything feels easier when we know we’re not alone.
Unglued is such an awesome book! My quick “go to” when I find myself coming Unglued is to just call out the name “Jesus” and keep repeating it until I can breath again. I noticed how you said that spending regular time with God is the key to keeping you from coming unglued. I’m glad I read that today because I’ve not had my solid daily time with Him in a couple of days and I’ve been feeling that unglued spirit creeping in on me. Thank you for sharing your heart I am blessed because of it.
I would love to win this set! I have someone I would love to bless with it!
Wow. I know I’m not the only one who comes unglued but few admit it. Thanks for sharing.
thanks for sharing your heart
Unfortunately, I blow up way too often. My quick temper is something I am working on in my 12 step christian recovery group. I’m a work in progress!!
I am a mom of 4 children and find myself becoming unglued on a daily basis if not hourly. I can say honestly my patience is at different levels with each child. I seem to have less with my 13 and 10 year old. I guess I have higher expectations. My two younger ones (2 years and 5 months) I seem to tolerate more and am more forgiving. I love to know others are experiencing the same highs and lows as myself. I do believe we need to support each other because I for one need the encouragement and motivation.
Such a great reminder! I am constantly working on this. Growing stronger and wiser each day. I am heart-learning the importance of prayer… So important to learn it at a heart level!
Hi, haven’t read the book but am always searching for new wisdom. I find that if I have a project going that I can escape to for even just a few minutes a day, I can handle a lot more. I get antsy in myself and need to create something, when I don’t the ‘antsy’ gets out and gets ugly.
I’ve been trying to implement ‘pausing before pouncing’ and often calling to mind James 1:19-20 “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”
Thank you so much for sharing! Reading about the “unglued” moments of other mothers has given me strength and encouragement to work on my own moments.
Haven’t had time to read this book yet, but I would certainly like to!
I think God totally uses parenting to make us holy. We see how unrighteous we are when we come unglued. If a little, sweet, cute 3 year old can make me sin the way I do, I NEED some work and some Jesus. It’s comforting to know all us mom’s struggle together. There is nothing new under the sun 🙂
Wowzer! I am so glad God gave me the opportunity to read this! The guilt I keep bottled up was released to Him and I feel like I can now work on baby steps to free myself of this bondage. My children deserve ME-not the unglued me. Thank you!!
I’m a Mom to two little girls who is learning to deal with “unglued” moments. Love Lysa TerKeurst!
Well, normally when I get flustered, I sit down in my perfectly clean living room & take a few deep breaths & time for myself as I gracefully recompose myself & watch my 9 month old daughter play quietly on the floor.
J u s t k i d d i n g .
After life’s drama, dirty laundry & my to-do list pile up, so do my emotions. If I need to sit down, I inevitably stub my toe on a toy on the way to the couch, where I have to push my dog aside to even make room for myself. I usually can’t hear myself think over the sweet screeches from my beautiful little one who has discovered she can control the volume level & pitch of her very own voice. I can catch my breath for about, oh, 45 seconds before I’m needed elsewhere again. And that’s on a very uneventful day. Being a first time mommy, I have come to the conclusion that I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This causes me to fall at the feet of the cross every single day & rely solely on Him. And I would have it no other way. It is not always easy, but it is necessary. He is my source of life & daily renewal. He is the only source for true contentment, peace & calm…even in chaos.
If Jesus can love me for the beautiful mess I am, then so can I. And I will continue to strive to be more like Him…even if I constantly have Cheerios in my hair, bags under my eyes & haven’t shaved my legs in 7…ok, 9 days. Thank you Father that you do not call us to be a perfect, just willing!
Oh yeah, sometimes I cry too. 😉
Thankyou so much for sharing your moments with us.
My kids change me and make me a better person. Sins i haven’t seen in myself come out when I am with them. God totally is using them to grow me! Love them little gals 🙂
I so desperately need to read this. I tend to stuff and hold things in but when I explode…. I do so in ways that are so hurtful to others and it physically makes me sick when I go back to think about it after.
Thanks for sharing your heart and for a chance to win this great bundle.
I pause and ask myself, why? Is there something I did to lead up to this situation? Often times the answer is yes because I’ve been too busy doing “mommy chores” and wasn’t fully listening to my toddler. I am also a special education elementary teacher….so I come home burnt put most days and then I recall the scripture “each morning I wake I am renewed…” And this reminds me that on every situation I should renew my thoughts to Him and lift Him up to get out the negative thoughts or situations from my day. It not her fault, after all she is the precious child of God I am trying to raise to treat others the way you want to be treated. I am so anxious to get my hands on this new treasure!!!
Thank you for sharing this with us…I would love to have this set.
Hi Courtney, Yes, being a mom does unglue us at moments. This is such a perfect topic as mother’s day is right around the corner. I almost think that moms become more unglued than dads because of all the different aspect and responsibilities of being a mom. Thanks for being brave and sharing your unglued mom struggles. Know that we all have them 🙂
Parenting certainly can cause me to become “Unglued”! My daughter seems to know exactly which buttons to push. Most importantly I make sure to apologize if I have lost my temper and hope she learns the importance of forgiveness.
My son is only 15 months, so I haven’t really came unglued with his behavior yet. But, when I think about the future and raising him to be Godly man, I definitely come unglued. I start to doubt my abilities and figure I should just go ahead and give him up for adoption because I feel so unqualified. But, then I just have to bring myself back to reality and remember that God purposed for my son and I to be together. And that as long as I cling to the Lord and be transparent in front of my son, He will (hopefully) see Christ through me and lead him to the cross. I get excited thinking about the (hopeful) day my son will accept Christ as his Savior. That will be the shining moment in my life, that I know my son will live beyond this old life here on earth! I wanna shout just thinking about that day!! 🙂
I am excited to get to “know” lysa through her work and to see her this fall in Hershey. I had not heard of her until recently but reading this blog, I was like.. “THAT IS ME!!!”
Thanks for sharing and I hope I win!!
Oh how the book & bible study have helped. But I’m still making imperfect progress for sure. I really want to share this with my daughters because it has helped me so much! Thanks for the opportunity to win it!
I love Lysa. I have had the privilege of hearing her speak and she is amazing. I would love to read her new book ‘unglued’ as my newly turned 2 year old has begun throwing a few fits in public which makes me want to come unglued. 🙂
Jodi
Hi Courtney, we’ve just completed Lysa’s Unglued study in our ladies bible study group. My thoughts in retrospect are – the study helped me to recognise a lot of the type of circumstances which cause me to come unglued (especially true in my home life), and think tactically about how to adjust those circumstances to reduce the stress. However there will always be situations where I don’t have the liberty to predict them and thus deflect my response, eg. a rude stranger flying off the handle at you in traffic etc. – in those situations and in general I found Lysa’s strategy from 2 Chronicles invaluable – I have made a handy summary onto a bookmark which I go over every night when I’m reading and it’s honestly helping to reshape my behavior in moments of pressure. A huge thanks to Lysa for her help, I would love the benefit of the devotional as no doubt I’ll soon have my bookmark memorised and will appreciate something fresh to keep me on track!
It is good to hear someone else say that coming unglued is too common for them. I am well acquainted with those same culprits, and I love your list which makes me more aware of them. I think I will print it out and stick in on my bathroom mirror! Any encouragement in battling the state of coming unglued, and in knowing that I am not alone is certainly welcome!
Thank you for sharing! With four kiddos home this summer I would love to have a chance to win this set!
A couple of friends of mine hope to do this study together this summer. Many times when I explode, it’s probably because I tried to stuff. I have been a wife for 24 years and a mother
for about that same amount. I have learned a lot about what sets me off. My insecurities as a mother, daughter, wife, friend and even God’s child can feed my soul with negativity. Knowing who I am in Christ, slowing down, allowing clear thinking to break through can really change the way I see everything and then the way I react.
Keys to coping: Saying no. Getting enough sleep. Exercising. Listening to music with Christian messages. Celebrating the small things and not with anything extravagant, just acknowledging that something, anything was good about today, the moment, the week, the breath. Accepting who each of my kids are and not trying to make them alike or turn my introvert into an extrovert because I don’t understand introverts. lol! Just being me and nobody else, because I am me and I am exactly who God made me to be at this moment in time. Blessings!
Wow! I can really relate to your quote above. I struggle constantly with my poor coping skills as a mother and strongly desire for the Lord to work through me to fulfill the blessed role of a mother he has given me. I have longed to purchase this book since its release but can not at this time afford to do so. I would be so ecstatic and blessed to have to oppurtunity to use this gift as a tool for growth in my relationship with the Lord and my family. Thanks so much for your consideration.
I am now a grandmother (& love it!) but I had many of the same issues when my children were young. I admire you for baring your soul, it is not an easy thing to do. Thank You
I also linked to Karen’s Pause Before You Pounce Challenge in my blog post. I need all the help I can get with this 🙂
I am a mother of 5 boys (yeah STRESSFUL) which is hard to keep stress free. I would love to win just so I can work on how to handle these types of situations correctly. I am working so hard to be a better mother, wife and most importantly child of God.
Thanks for your blog there are times when I think what is wrong with me. good to know others struggle with the same issues. really need to read the book. pick me please !!
Would love to win this!!
“Unglued”–what a great word! That is the perfect description of what happens in this house typically around 4:30/5ish. I just feel done, you know? Anyways, I am learning how to combat this and would love this book! Thanks for the giveaway!
I so need this for upcoming summer!!!
Thank you for your messages of encouragement…I would love to win this package!
You list of common culprits…That’s Me!!! It put tears in my eyes to read it. I’ve been saying the past couple months that something must be wrong with me because I get so frustrated and angry so often. I didn’t use to feel this way. I don’t want my children growing up feeling that I never had enough patience with them. I’ve read “Unglued” and it’s such a great book. I think I may read it again after reading this post. Thanks!!
“I didn’t have an anger problem until I had kids.” Oh, my! Yes. And it terrifies me that these beautiful, wonderful, precious, naughty, naughty children bring this out in me…what kind of monster am I if I can remain calm in some of the most ridiculous situations, but I lose it with these little kids. They’re just little kids. And they’re not just any little kids, they are MY little kids. Little kids that I love more than life itself. Little kids that I would go to the ends of the earth to protect. Who will protect them from me?
Jesus, thank you for the gift of being a mother, the gift of these beautiful, wonderful, precious, naughty, naughty children. Please give their mama wisdom and protect their tiny hearts from my mistakes. Lord, I know you love them more than I ever could and, in your infinite wisdom, you made me their mother. Please give me wisdom that you love may flow through me and you will be glorified in our home for generation after generation. In your holy name I pray.
I’m a grandma now but remember all the frustration while raising my kids. I would love to win this bundle to give to my daughter. She has a little girl, just turned 4 yesterday & loses her patience quite often which then she is always screaming. I think this would be a great treasure for my daughter.
I’m a mommy of a baby boy, and I know there will be a time oh so soon when he can talk back or push the buttons I don’t even know I have, yet. I’ve enjoyed your blog over the past year as I’ve entered into stay-at-home mom world.
I’m starting to practice asking my son for forgiveness now when he sees me raise my voice or freak out about something. I know I will come unglued many, MANY times because of my sinful nature, but there’s no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He will sustain us, mature us and sanctify us as we parent. Praise Him for that! Thanks for sharing great resources and being honest about your trials. You glorify God and love others well in that. So Thanks!
This really resonated with me! I too start the day with a patience deficit. I have read the Unglued book, and would love to have the devotional for that daily “shot in the arm”!
Wow, where do I start… I am a mother of two, one that is almost 15 girl and a 21 boy.. My boy just moved out on his own, and things didnt go as he had planned and he took it out on me.. and I came UNGLUED… Not a wise thing, but it honestly happenend. Things are better now, and he admitted he was angry at his GF and Friends because they filled him with hope and then it fell thru.. Unglued, I have done alot.. I am not proud of any of it, but words are my defense and I am working towards a new me.. I havent been a bad word mom, just when the buttons were pushed and the Glue melted.. Now that I am older I wish I had those times back to do over, but I dont so I ask for forgiveness and learn from my mistakes and control the words.. I would love to read this book, and honestly I have seen it out there and its been a wish list of mine.. so maybe coming across this today is meant for me to read for sure.. thanks for posting this… Connie in Ky
Yes, I agree, you hit the nail on the head here! I never knew kids could make me so very impatient…people always tell me how calm and patient I am, but I know I’m not that way at home! Thanks so much for this post!
I have been devouring this book. I am finding so many things that are exactly what I need to hear. I’m working on accepting the fact that I am making imperfect progress. And falling down doesn’t mean I’m out.
When I feel like I’m coming ‘unglued’ I try to take a deep breath, pray and sometimes, I just have to walk away for a moment.
I would love Lysa’s resources to help me.
Being a new mommy, I get frazzled and overwhelmed easily. I would love to read the book!
Thank you so much for sharing that I am not the only one! I recently purchased Unglued for Kindle but have been unable to start reading it yet. I can’t wait to dive in and start learning how not to become unglued from the time I get out of bed.
I feel my selfishness highlighted in motherhood. The raging moments can mean nothing else. I want me time, my thoughts, my agenda. It’s not about me and I find selfishness is the root of my unglued moments. [sigh]
I try to make the moment less intense, sing something silly.
I have been wanting this book since I read about it a couple months ago. I struggle with this and am working each day to be better. Thank you for sharing!
I completely identify with you…I never considered myself an impatient or angry person until my son turned three 🙂 Now I find myself asking for forgiveness for these things a lot! I am learning how important surrounding myself with Scripture is, and also the things you mentioned-sleep, exercise, careful scheduling, etc. Thank you for sharing!!!
What you said about starting the day with negative patience really hit home with me. Just yesterday I thought to myself, “it’s not even 8:00 and I feel like I’m losing control and have no patience”! Loved this post and this books sounds wonderful! I’ve read a couple of her other books and think I need to add this one to my list to read!
Oh, I need to read this book! I go to bed disgusted with myself for losing my cool during the course of the day. Thankful His mercies are new every morning.
Oh, I’d love to win this! Thank you for the chance to win. As a mom of a 9, 8, 6, & 3 year old, I know that I come unglued more often than I should. I’ve heard so much about this book & would love to win a copy!
I have 2 chapters left in the book. I’m loving it. I really needed this.
I have been wanting to read this! Heard it was awesome from so many people. This is definitely an area I struggle with daily and can’t get a handle on. God has been showing me the best thing to do is to stay focused on Him throughout my day. I try by having praise music playing or if I feel like I’m gonna lose it jyst break out singing a praise song. My kids think I’m crazy but it braks up the moid! 🙂 Think this book would help me get some advice and not feel alone in the battles.
I just began this study today and out had already begun to convict my heart. Day one of the homework for session one really made me think about how I react so not the way I want to. I am eager to see what day two…and not my hair day two lol…will go. I am anxious to see what God has in store for me.
I need to go back and finish this book. I have it in my Kindle and now I think I need the devotional. I read in my usual devotional this morning about how one day I would have to give account for all of my words. While I have heard that lots of times, it hit me like a ton of bricks that one day I was going to have to explain why I go from 0-900 in 3.2 nanoseconds and am LOUD!!! Not gonna be fun…
Oh my goodness I loved your blog!!! I can sooooo relate!! Would love this!!!
Wow. I do need this book!!! I never knew I liked quiet until I had 4 kids! The lack of it tries my nerve and I give in tithe frustration all too often!
I sooo need this book!!! As my children are older now (12 and 19) I don’t have the constant noise (especially with one away at college), but it is the “near teen” and the moodiness that is getting to me!! I hope I win!!
Loved this & would love to win the Unglued set!
Would love to win the giveaway. Thanks for the opportunity and the insight.
When I clicked on the link you provided for Erin under the Enter to win paragraph “You may enter here and also over at Erin, Kelly or Jennifer’s site until Friday at midnight.” it resulted in a page not found. The URL you have is: http://blueeyedbride.com/2013/05/06/build-em-up-wh%E2%80%A6i-come-unglued/ The URL should be: http://blueeyedbride.com/2013/05/07/build-em-up-when-i-come-unglued/ Just thought I’d let you know. There is another link for her page in the list of links (#7) so it’s all good… 🙂
Great words to help in my own imperfect progress. I highly recomend that if you don’t win that you pop in at p31 and pick it up. I did the online bible study and am still learning months later. God Bless You All
Powerful words!
Wow…that is about all I can manage!
I feel the same way. I could use some help not coming unglued!
perfect description of how I feel in those moments when I try to do it all and forget who is really in charge…unglued! =)
How Awesome God is ! I just had a conversation with my older sister last night in regards to how we grew up with our mom not spending much time with us and we both have realized we have somewhat fallen in the same Path. She has two grown children now and recently apologized to her daughter for the mistakes she made. I on the other hand have two teenagers and though I do spend more time with them than my mom did with me, I feel it’s not enough and I DON’T want to pass on my traits of this to them. In my conversation with my sister, we talked about daily devotions and how she is getting back into do it and I have slacked off alot latlely. I prayed last night asking God to help me get back into this and for him to show me what to start with and it came to my mind -Lysa Terkeurst ! Amazingly, I woke up this morning and remembered what I had prayed and the answer God gave and went onto my computer to search my email and found this from yesterday and tears came to my eyes ! Yes, God is AWESOME ! I’m going to read the other blogs, knowing God will continue to speak to me and will continue my comments on this. I am not a blog writer but I do have more to say on this and I would truly love to receive this unglued bundle package but if I don’t, that’s ok cause I can see how just reading these messages that God will help me just by asking him,
good stuff Court! THANK YOU!
as a mother of 5 and wife to my amazing, international jet pilot husband, I have lots of opportunities to come unglued each day. Keeping my focus on the Lord and how He would have me train up these inquiring little minds protects me from myself and them from hot-glue-mess-mom!
Would love to win a copy of Lysa’s book. I have been conimg Unglued a lot lately.
“I didn’t have an anger problem until I had kids.” That really hit home – would love the book!
would love this….4 teenage boys!!!
What an inspiring post! This is what I struggle with most and what I fail at the most. I’m a SAHM and feel like I should have it all under control – it’s my job, right?! Can’t wait to read some other comments for more inspiration. Thank you!
I echo many of your triggers for coming unglued. I have to remind myself not to try to do work on the computer when my kids are around so that I don’t get impatient with the inevitable interruptions.
Thanks for this post! Although we assume everyone is in the same situation nobody talks about it. I love heart to hearts with moms that are like me…which is all moms…even if it’s through a blog post!
So I try to stop in the middle when the coming explosion has already started to take shape! I stop, close my eyes and count and then pray! Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t! Sometimes I just have to reove myself for a minute or two , to recover, and then go back and tackle it!
My name is Maria and I too come unglued!! But there is hope !!!
Thank you for sharing and being such an encouragement. I was so challenged by Unglued and have been working through the devotional over the past month and it has been so helpful in being more aware of my emotional reactions.
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, thank you for this post! I would love to win the book.
http://www.living2lose.blogspot.com/
I thought when my children are all grown up I would be less likely to become unglued. I have found that I struggle even more now they are grown…maybe because I have less control over what happens in their lives. When I feel helpless about life’s situations I have to constantly remind myself that God is always in control.
Somehow I came across this (thanks God!) and it is definitely what I need to hear. I have anger issues that stem from when I was little. “For the sake of our precious kids and the delicate spirit that breaks within them – this is a topic we cannot ignore.” — I was that precious kid who had a spirit break within me. Now I have a toddler and I can feel the frustration coming on when things don’t go my way or how I expect them to be. I do not, not, not, want to repeat these anger issues that I inherited. I’ve inherited a spirit of peace and joy through Christ who strengthens me! so, I just need to act that way :o) Thanks for sharing and doing this “build up” series!
Wow, I need this book! The last two weeks has proven it 😉 The only thing I notice that makes a difference is quiet time in the morning, with God, completely quiet. It works wonders!
Sometimes I feel unglued more often than not! I’m glad to know I’m not alone!
I have 4 little ones and i come unglued often. I pray and trust in god to get me through each difficult moment. I would love to win Lysa book!
so incouraging to know i am not the only unglued mama out there.
I relate so much! As soon as I heard Lysa speak in her “Made to Crave” dvd video during my bible study I knew she was going to be my influence to get closer to God and hearing how to do that is so reassuring! I’m excited to rad more of this blog and get this book ASAP!!!
I am dealing with chronic illness so it seems like I come “unglued” with my family all the time 🙁
I can totally relate to your blog!! I have an almost 2 year old little boy. He makes me so happy and I love him with everything in me, but he can also push my buttons. There are days I feel like I’ve had to get on to him all day and I feel like a failure. That is when I have to just stop and turn it over to God and ask Him to help me.
I teach 5 year olds all day (so fun, but also exhausting!) and have a 4 and 2 year old waiting with grandma for me to come home and play so I have to let go of a lot. This topic was so relevant. Thanks for the post.
I am struggling with angry mommy syndrome.
I have grandchildren living with me. I am trying to keep “The Monster” hidden away.. and show
only love to them…but sometimes… : )
God has lead me to Proverbs 31! What an amazing group on woman…I have been in a career for 30 years….and now am at home with my 11 year old for the first time. It has been an adjustment for both of us! She is at the age where she reacts first and then thinks about the consequences.
I have to really weigh each time and think calmly the right thing to say back. But thru this we have also had great conversations about our relationship with God. I have to remind myself that she is at a time when friendships can be cruel…so it is important that she knows that God and I are there for her no matter what!
Unglued is an understatement and the last day of school was yesterday. Ugh, so glad that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thank you for all of your encouraging words!