I was sitting at an event and the speaker pierced me with this,
“I didn’t have an anger problem until I had kids.”
The room erupted with laughter. I turned splotchy, laughed nervously and looked around to see if anyone else looked “busted.” I also felt incredibly encouraged. At that point, I knew I couldn’t be alone if this awesome mom and speaker owned up to it and hundreds others laughed knowing it was true.
High pressure and stress are nothing new to me. I have orchestrated large events and pressed “approved” on tons of marketing pieces. I am familiar with the hot seat and leading from it – well, I have been known to cry on the job when it got too much. Shocker.
NOTHING has pushed my buttons like parenting.
Ron has joked that I have an inverted fuse. So not just a little bit of patience – like negative patience. I’m starting in the hole most days. A wise friend just told me the other day that a “temper is just a maturity issue.” Oh so true.
My name is Courtney and I come unglued, too often.
The reason I love this Build ‘Em Up series with Erin, Jennifer and Kelly is not because we need more blog followers or because we had a catchy name – we truly have our hearts set on encouraging women. Our key statement: “good doesn’t have to equal perfect.”
We can share what’s working in our lives to build each other up NOT to show we are all that. Or, profess this “perfect mom” mentality.
So, today, I come to you with a heavy heart. A head hanging low because this is one of my biggest struggles. I will have far less “tips and advice” and my encouragement to you today is that “I know” and “I’ve been there.” It doesn’t make it right or fun, but I want to fight this with you. For the sake of our precious kids and the delicate spirit that breaks within them – this is a topic we cannot ignore.
I am aware of these common culprits.
- When I’m busy… I am not patient.
- When I’m distracted… I am less tolerant.
- When they are left alone to entertain themselves… I am not teaching.
- When they are tired and I am tired… my expectations are way too high.
- When they explode… I am quick to get loud with them to end it quick.
- When I feel out of control… I panic.
- When they are defiant (and often acting their age) … I am aggravated.
- When I have too much on my plate… I don’t ask for help, I just get frustrated.
This is how I explained it to Lysa in the book Unglued (page 15), Courtney honestly admitted “I come unglued when I feel out of control because my kids are whining or negotiating and won’t listen. I like silence, calm, obedience and control. When it’s not going ‘my way,’ I come unglued and freak out and it goes quiet. And then the regret comes.”
So, how do we combat this? With God, I know that for sure! Tell me! I would really love to hear your thoughts on how you cope with this. When your kids are fighting or you feel it rising in your soul – do you count to 10? Walk outside? Pray? Breathe in and out? Remember they are just kids and get a grip?
I KNOW the things that work for me – regular time with God first thing, regular exercise, saying NO to more, scheduling my work so I’m not trying to do all things well simultaneously, getting rest, realistic expectations and proper perspective of the situation. I would love to hear what’s working with you (link up if you have a blog or just comment below).
I have the pleasure of calling Lysa TerKeurst my friend. We met through our Chick-fil-A connections and she is amazing as you think. I’m pretty sure she wrote Unglued for me (not really), but it’s a wonderful resource to understand this common issue for women.
I have just starting using the devotional daily and it’s so short but SO profound. I can get my mind around one thought/one truth and it sits with me all day.
I asked her to share some treats with us and she did! Thank you Lysa for being one awesome cheerleader for me, for sharing from your struggles and giving us all the courage to fight through the mess with God on our side.
I also just found out about another awesome resource for you guys! Another Proverbs 31 author/speaker, Karen Ehman, has a fun challenge this week “Pause Before You Pounce” that goes right in line with what we are discussion. Check it out!
By sharing your story of unglued and how you cope using the link up tools at the bottom.
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