This was a post I wrote a while back for Holley Gerth and I’m delighted to share it again with you – because it will help you understand the meaning of my trip to New York tonight. Getting to show my girls the Rockettes in person means a bunch. A lot. There will be tears. I hope I get to explain to them that they can dream big and God will still surprise them.
I was in New York City with my sister and my mom when it happened.
I was a grown woman with a job. A retired high-school dancer with mediocre talent. However, the emotions almost took my breath away.
When these ladies took the stage and began the show, I was captured. I wanted to literally leap on the stage. I remember the years I danced (probably 10+ years ago by that point). I literally felt like I was watching a dream of mine dance across the stage that could never be mine.
I watched the show through hidden tears, pure joy and secret regrets.
I remember this similar pain another time when my dream to be a manager in the Chick-fil-A Marketing department came to a crashing halt with childbirth.
I LOVED my job. I loved brainstorming. I loved the cows, the people, the company, the free food, the leadership training, the Godly environment and the personal growth. My personal dream to be successful in my career met up with another personal dream to be a mother. I had to follow God and what He laid on my heart and I quit my job. It felt like my arm fell off.
After I had my two girls, I was restless. I wasn’t in search of money or a job or something to do. I wasn’t bored. I just knew that God had given me some gifts and talents and I didn’t want to waste them. I wanted to use everything he put in my brain for others. For HIM! I wanted share what I knew, influence others for good, empower moms and light up little lives. I wanted more for my kids than what was out there and I knew I was capable of making it happen.
God thrilled my heart when he whispered this: you didn’t throw away Chick-fil-A that job. I am about to use it – all of it.
And, he did. In March 2011 (my girls were 2 and 4), it became so clear what I would do – I swiped, with permission, my husband’s bonus. I bought the site (LilLightOMine.com, now CourtneyDeFeo.com), had logo designed, trademarked the name, began product development and hired a web agency.
In October 2011, just 7 months later, I went live with two products (ABC Scripture Cards and My Lil Money Jars) and a Facebook page. It has been a year+ of insanity, bumps, and dependence on the Lord. I have endured tears, support, silence, insecurities, mistakes and prayer. I have also enjoyed crazy unexpected blessings and opportunities that have blown my mind. God has continued to remind me He is in this.
Things I NEVER dreamed to be:
Texan, Floridian, mission trip person, author, speaker, Jesus freak, blogger
Things I DID dream to be:
Rockette, marketing executive, guest on Oprah, mom, wife, leader
As I look at that, I giggle. Then, I realize it was a “before God” and “after God” list.
At this stage in my lie, I am not interested in pursuing any dream (big or small) unless it is from Him or for Him? You too?
I often think of the unexpected blessings I have received because I said YES! I get to be a part of His story. He let me be a part of getting His word into thousands of homes this past year. He allowed me to receive heartfelt, raw emails from mothers needing a friend and some guidance. He let me hear from countless women how they have grown spiritually because of Lil Light O’ Mine.
Oh, it is worth it!
I’ll take the comfy couch for blogging over the glamorous lights of the Rockettes ANYTIME … for the gift of being on the front row of God’s will for my life.
No matter the dream, I know this.
It won’t be perfect, smooth or easy – but it will be worth it. He will knock your socks off when He says YES and you say YES. Together you can work His plan that was created before you were ever born.
“The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” Psalm 139:16 The Message
Holly has a book called God-Sized Dream that talks about this very topic.