For those that are new, I am Courtney. I started this blog for moms. So, we’d have a place for real stories and real conversations about the greatest journey. We’re in a club and on an adventure TOGETHER.
I want you to meet Brooke. She’s our guest contributor today.
One of my college roomates. One of those many women in the world that didn’t have the easy path to having a child. I have never known this struggle personally, but I know what it’s like to pray earnestly for a friend. To beg God to make it stop for her – to rejoice to tears when desires are met. She never let go and whoah Lord was this angel worth the wait! Brooke, I am so proud of you!
She sent this blog post to me several months back and I am so sorry for the delay. I know these raw feelings will ring true with oh so many working outside of the home moms and first-time moms. Thank you, Brooke.
Musings of a First-Time Mom by Brooke
As I went back to work today and left my sweet angel for the first time since he was born, I was filled (actually overflowing) with emotions as I drove to work this morning. Thank goodness, Joey is charged with dropping our little treasure off. There are some jobs that are meant for daddies and this is one of them in my opinion (at least on momma’s first day back).
I was mentally prepared for the whaling and gnashing of teeth that I thought would accompany this first day back, but on my drive to the hospital this morning I was overcome with a feeling of peace and accomplishment. Make no bones about it, I know the peace was supplied by several prayer warriors in my life-they are priceless to me. And as for the sense of accomplishment, it was supplied by precious Lord who guided me through the past 12 weeks and who is His loving kindness allowed me to become a mommy 3 short months ago.
Whether you are a mom who will return to the workforce or a mom who plans to stay home with her babies, those first precious weeks (albeit sleep deprived) are one of the true treasures on this earth. In hindsight (and with the benefit of a little sleep over the past week) I see now that those 1:30 am (and who are we kidding? the 2:15, 3:20 and 4:40 all in the same night) feeds, cuddles and even those minutes of “PLEASE GO TO SLEEP SWEET LITTLE CREATURE!” create priceless minutes between mother and baby that are difficult to put into words.
We, as women, are so fortunate to have this experience. I must admit that it renders me speechless that these 12 weeks are over and my sweet baby is 3 months old, but unlike many other precious experiences in my life – I do not want a do over. I know for sure that I did not do everything right, I struggled with breast-feeding, he wasn’t a soldier of sleep, I bit at my husband and my mother (which were the hands that fed me) but I know these first few weeks were brushed by the hand of God. I’m not sure that every mom, or any mom for that matter, will share my sentiments – maybe it is because we were infertility patients who finally crossed over to the other side and have our sweet boy, maybe it’s because I’m 35 and having my first child a little later, but I am so proud to have survived and by my own measuring stick succeeded in nurturing my little man to this point.
I made it a point to not give in to comparison guilt during my first weeks as a mother – I was two days late taking his 2 month pictures (horrors) and they are sweeter to me because of it J. I reached out to the beautiful women in my life for help and reassurance. As a woman I was so proud to have these lifelines-I felt such comradery among these mothers, these precious friends who came into my life when we were teenagers.
Who ever heard of a “soothie?” Not this girl, but my treasure of a friend said, “go get them, they will help”- and help they did. And that moment of “what do you mean you had to use formula? You mean I’m not a total failure that he is still hungry after he breast feeds?” And I will never forget a text from my dear friend that revolutioned our sleep and I began to get a little control that very day. With one text-momma to momma – she helped fix my boy, it truly takes a village.
I ran out of the hospital today to go pick up my heart (which now lives outside of my body in the form the cutest little boy) and when I walked in to get him and I stared from across the room at my healthy, grinning boy looking up at me all but saying, “look Momma, I’m just fine…just fine because of you.”
There are so many things that I have left to learn on the journey of motherhood, and I cannot wait for the lessons – I’m an eager beaver learner on the subject. But there are a few things that I already know for sure after these 12 short, priceless weeks:
– Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Period.
– I’ve never wanted to do something so right…never. And coming from a perfectionist, Type A girl like myself, this is saying something.
– I’m prepared for harder days to come, I know everyday will not be as peace-filled or as easy as today was – but I know that I have tools and the armor of my Lord and Savior for those days and that makes the fact that I know they will come easier to consider. He chose me to be the mother of this little man, and I know for sure that He will not forsake me.
– I know now that I can do hard things, really hard things and that I am a better woman because of it.
– And last but not least, to my sweet creature of a baby boy, I know this – these last 12 weeks sweet boy have been my pleasure, truly been my pleasure.
Much love, Brooke