When the dark days occur our faith is tested.
Do we hide in our fear or trust in the rescuing Light?
My most recent darkest days were over Thanksgiving weekend of last year.
I had received a call from my doctor that my blood work was showing a miscarriage or tubal pregnancy. He gently explained to me that there was zero chance of it being a viable pregnancy. I hung up the phone and melted down. I was heartbroken, sad, confused and MAD at God. How could He allow this? Why me? My first pregnancy with our son Jake was so perfect. Could we have more children? Would Jake be an only child?
Darkness closed over me.
But I knew I had a decision to make.
Do I stay angry at God or do I run into His arms?
That weekend I spent much time in prayer and reading the Bible. I asked God what did He want me to learn from this? How should I respond? He put the word Philippians in my mind. So I began reading the book of Philippians. There was one passage that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was in Phillipians 1: 19-20. In those verses He revealed to me that Christ should be exalted in our body whether by life or DEATH. That even in my and His sadness for my loss I had a choice to praise Him. With His grace I made it through those dark days.
Today I celebrate the life that is growing in my belly.
My second son will be born almost a year after that loss this December. God knew happier days were ahead.
He knew I would carry another child again. He wants me, us all, to trust Him in the darkness. He builds our faith when we run to Him instead of from Him in our trials. Thank you my sweet and loving Lord Jesus.
TO OUR READERS:
If you know of someone going through this (or someone that has before), please forward this on to them for encouragement. Or, maybe they can even join the conversation and post a comment? Have you faced similar loss? What did God teach you during such an incredibly tough struggle?
TO MY SISTER:
I thank you for sharing something so raw and so private to give God glory and encourage others that He is WITH US in the midst of trials. I will never forget that weekend and having to watch you walk through that. There are many times in our lives I have wanted so bad to just take pain from you and bear it for you. That was one of them. I love you and I’m so proud I’m your sister. – Courtney