So, there I was laying in the beauty parlor chair on Friday getting my hair washed, after getting my grays dyed. As the wonderful girl seemed to take FOREVER with every shampoo and rinse – my little Larson was getting sicker and sicker. She began to shake in my arms. I couldn’t see her face because she was laying on me with face to the ceiling. I could feel her temperature rising and she kept saying “the back of my neck hurts.” From the time I decided she “must have meningitis” to the time I ran out to the car with my limp baby – I declared to myself:
I am the worst, most selfish mother on the planet.”
You see, I was thinking about me that day. I had to get my gray hair covered. And, she had a fever. So, she stayed home from school. And she was peppy to start. I really enjoyed a surprise day with my kindergarten cutie home.
I knew I shouldn’t infect her classmates, but I didn’t ONCE think about canceling my appointment. I am ashamed, but admitting to you today. I just drug that sick baby with me on my already packed day.
You see, I would jump in front of a bus to save my kid’s lives, but I struggle with the daily “die to self” idea.
I am good with helping them and serving them if it fits into my calendar.
Now, this is a tricky debate.
Should our kids become the center of our universe? I think no.
Should they dictate our entire worlds and schedules? I think no.
Should I probably let go of my agenda more for the sake of my family? Probably so.
I was so incredibly convicted on Friday when my girl was literally shaking in my arms. I freaked on the lady and said, “I’ve got to go!” I ran out with wet hair. Didn’t pay. I was in mother bear mode to get her better. By the time I got her to the doctor, she was rolling on the table with head pain and 104 fever.
Don’t you want to come to a book signing now? I am one.incredible.mother. Sheesh.
Does my hair style trump a sick day? Am I putting my agenda above my kids too often? Are my needs more important than theirs?
I don’t have a magic answer for you or a filter. For me, it’s God and He prompts my heart and my family. I had to ask myself a few tough questions. And it’s not a one time conversation.
He lets me know when works is too much and I need to shut down the computer. He affirms me when I can walk in freedom from field trips. I can be a great mom and NOT attend every single field trip! If you are like me, you are human. There is grace and mercy and forgiveness. We aren’t going to get this right all of the time. I am not upset over here – just thankful for the moment to remind me to check myself. Check my days. Lord, order my days!
It’s such a tricky walk, but I want them to see and feel when I have made a choice that puts their needs in front of mine. In a Christ-like way that says I LOVE THEM – not in a way that says I idolize them and they get to demand my schedule.
There’s a big difference.
There’s no book, hair do, conference call, dinner… that is more important than my family. Sometimes, I will have to go. And, sometimes, I can say no.
It’s up to each of us to pray and figure out that balance. Ask our husbands to help weigh in on the subject.
And for me, I had to get honest about my intention to serve and my actions. Do I truly serve my kids when it’s convenient or all of the time?
They are only little once.
One day –they will be gone. Out of the house – and I’ll be wishing they would sit in my lap shivering with a fever.
Those cuddly days are fleeting. What a joy they still need me.
By the way, no meningitis for my girl. Just a quick virus that was gone by the next day. Praise Jesus. Profusely apologized to the hair gals today.
Launch Week in Photos