If you have a blog, write in a journal, thought about writing a book, had a desire to speak in front of a crowd, shared something close to your heart, considered putting yourself out there … you might relate to some of these feelings. They come and go and TOTALLY contradict themselves. Some are from the Lord. And most are from the enemy. Some are lies. Most are confusing.
All of them are to show you that putting yourself out there is confusing and scary and a vulnerable spot. However, when you finally rest in the fact that no one has your story or your purpose in this life. The super complicated becomes more clear. It’s just you, just you and the Lord and what he has put on your heart and your plate.
These are just a few thoughts that have come through my head and heart through the last three years of this journey …
I blog, but I don’t want to be a “blogger.”
Wait, I am a blogger. And I am proud of some of what that means.
Sometimes strangers know more about my day and life than my own husband or family.
What if I make a fool of myself.
What if no one cares.
What if I get nasty comments.
What if there are no comments.
I just put something out that I wrote in 10 minutes and it was shared all over the place. Cool God. My heart was really to encourage others this morning.
I just put something out that I poured over for hours and hours and nothing. Discouraging.
I am in this to just change little lives – little hearts to know Jesus one day and realize their lives matter and they can change the world.
I love encouraging moms and when that happens, I feel fulfilled.
When the junk of it gets in the way and I get sucked in, I don’t love it.
All of the work is worth it even just for one.
If I get paid or have advertisers, that feels weird.
Wait, this is a lot of time – that’s ok to get paid for my time or at least pay my bills for running the site.
I just read an article of a blogger making 6 figures and her husband stays home, I suck at this.
I just saw a blogger that has 300K followers, I suck at this.
I just got a teary email from a mom that read something on my blog and it changed the way she is parenting. I’m back at it.
I just had a great moment in God’s word reaffirming my desire to love others the way he would. Stripping me of my desire to be known or people please. Use my space as a way to glorify him – however that happens. I’m in.
This is harder than I thought. Obedience. One step at a time.
Do you think anyone will notice if I just stop it all and go play with my kids?
My list is getting longer than the original list of what God called me to do – I added the stress.
How I am going to talk to She Speaks about “building a platform from scratch” when there are some GIANT bloggers down the hall. Who will come to mine?
Oh wait, I am right there with them. I know what’s it’s like to have no budget for it. Try things. Fail. Want to give up. Try again. Want desperately to use your life and your story to influence others for good.
I’m still in.
It’s messy. It’s complicated.
It’s a constant personal battle of ego – not about me. About Him.
What’s she’s doing? Awesome for her.
What do you have for me Lord?
Order my day.
Keep me focused on my very best projects. The real faces. My husband. My kids. You.
And, it truly has been the worth the risk. I went shaking to She Speaks two years ago with a book proposal I thought might get some eyeball rolls or worse. And, it didn’t.
Trust your heart and where God is leading you.
That might be a book, a blog, or on a swing with your kids.
Available October 7. Stay tuned for all the details. PS – That’s the final cover, do you likey? Eek!