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Courtney DeFeo

Creator & Ideator. Motivator for Families. Cheerleader for Loving & Serving

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I Came Unglued, Again

August 2, 2012 //  by Courtney

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Unglued in the morning, unglued in the evening, unglued In the summertime.

I just made up a little tune on my 4-minute jog. Now, I’m walking and writing this with one finger.

I just darted out of my house after an embarassing unglued moment. First, I need to set the stage.

In April, I saw a difference in Ella. We went from disciplining a child to training a heart. I was giddy. It’s like waiting 5.5 years to get a promotion at your job and finally! Light! I watched her hold back her hand instead of hitting her sister. I could see her register a great choice in her heart and then beam at me. I would hear, “Mom, I’m sorry” and “Larson, you can have that first.” 

It was short lived – lasted a few weeks. Shes not awful, but were back to some basic issues that make me want to slam my head on the counter. Haven’t we covered this in our 5-year course of obedience? There have been times she can’t get enough of Bible stories and devotions. Now, she has a total tude with me and jokes about the stories and seems disinterested. Fast forward to tonight.

As I ran out of the house tonight, I started to feel really guilty and then think about if there was a pattern or a “time” when I lose it. I used to come unglued in the morning because I need caffeine and I don’t really want to serve anyone before 9 am and mine love the 6 o’clock hour. Funny, God. That’s funny. Now, I am slightly maturing and seeing my selfish ways and they are older – so calmer mornings at the DeFeo house. Oh, and Ron’s new job has allowed him to be around until 7:20 so coffee is served!

Ron got home at 6:15 tonight like normal, so we ate something average – oh wait, he cooked grilled cheese. That’s standard.  They gobbled up a few moments of playtime with him and chatted his ear off about the day. I sat still and watched for the clock to strike 7:00. Since they both don’t nap – they start losing their minds around 5:00.  So, I’m ready to peace out if you know what I mean. Oh! 7! I started screaming BEDTIME as loud as I could. They came up with 192 excues to stay up late. The mean mom said “no” like always – because they don’t sleep in E.V.E.R. Whining began and unglued feelings started to build.

I tackled the child most drunk in appearance = Larson. Done. Out. That sliced the unglued level in half. Wrangled Ella into her bed. I read 2 devotional books which she has previously LOVED and BEGGED for – she made jokes and could’ve cared less. I start boiling internally about her attitude and steam started slipping out of my ears. I know myself and I love my girl so I ended that bedtime routine quick before I left a trail. Good night, my love. Kisses. She’s upset. I’m out.

I am beat. I find my victim. It’s Ron. I come UNGLUED on him and even tell him it’s not fair, but I have some things to say. (That’s so awesome – admit your sin and then sin.) So, I unleash on my target. The gist was “I need you. I feel so responsible for their discipline, their faith, etc. It’s not going well and I need more help.” Unfair or not. True or not. Not the time or place.

I walked out door for a jog, stopped to walk and write with my thumb. Then, came right back to apologize to Ron. We talked through all of it and ended great. (Don’t disown me Grammy – I adore your precious son. Eek!)

Heres what crazy brain processed in those 4 minutes of jogging:

  • Lord, why is this so HARD!? Why am I so bad at this?
  • I feel so bad for doing it again, coming unglued.
  • I guess I should finish UNGLUED and actually practice it
  • It seems like this season (summertime, these ages) – there is a pattern to my explosions. This time of day.
  • Baby stage was right before naps. Now, before or at bedtime.
  • Lord, I am so sorry. I am begging for more self control and the strength to fight this. I need you.
  • I don’t want to be this kind mom and have them remember going to bed this way even just a few times.
  • What’s this about? My expectations being too high as a mom?
  • Or me expecting way too much from a 5-year-old?
  • Or, a long summer, dealing with a little girl maturing into Kindergarten age, bordeom with each other, missing family, etc. Combo of all?
  • Am I stressed about what’s out of my control? Let God work naturally into her heart. I don’t want it forced.
  • Oh, how long can one man be the victim of my outbursts?

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Forgive me. To a new day.

Please tell me someone else has a day or night like this every now and then.

Unglued just came out August 7 and it is unreal. I have underlined half of the book.

Who wants one?

ENTER TO WIN BELOW

Leave a comment and tell me anything….

your unglued story, your need for the book or just say hi.

Ends Friday, August 25 at midnight, one winner chosen

Category: A Better Me, Mom's Walk with Christ, Role of MomTag: unglued

About Courtney

Courtney DeFeo is most known for being a factory of ideas for families. It’s her desire to lead a life that radiates God’s love in action and His grace along the way. As a former marketing professional for corporations such as Chick-fil-A and Ketchum Public Relations, Courtney has a history of creating memorable programs and ideas that motivate others to action. She is the author of In This House, We Will Giggle, creator of ABC Scripture Cards and Virtue Cards and the kindness movement Light ‘Em Up Acts. Her latest project is a community for tween girls and their moms - found at TreasuredGirlz.com. Her house is a wreck and she hates to cook. She adores her hot, patient husband. She posts entirely too many photos of her two girls on Instagram. Connect with Courtney anytime: Twitter • Website • Facebook • Instagram

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