You’ve heard me talk about this crew before. But we text all day. When we need to laugh. When we need a pep talk. When we need advice. When we are crying. It rules. And sometimes it’s overwhelming because you go into carpool and come out and your’e 98 texts behind. We’ve all gotten way better about checking in and out – putting the phone down to do our lives and pick it up when we can.
I can’t go into details but there is one child that needs more of me lately and Ashley said one thing that stuck.
You are her PROTECTOR and ADVOCATE.
Yes and Yes.
No, this doesn’t mean I scoop in and solve her problems every time. This means I don’t ignore them either. When they are hurting and they cannot explain it – emotionally or physically. I protect and I advocate. I am their mother. Good grief it hurts so bad when you don’t know the unknown, but you fight like hell. You try to not to overreact and in the same week – you don’t stand down until your baby is heard or the problem is known.
Here are some ways you can protect or advocate. I certainly don’t get this right every time and probably lean too close to protecting vs letting them solve their problems.
No dirt rubbing.
If they already got a natural consequence from something they did – I try not to rub their nose in dirt and shame them.
Protector and advocate of their hearts and spirits.
I inherited this trait from my mom. They will naturally get themselves in trouble all day – so do they have to get a consequence all day? Can we help a sister out? Do we have to go to the letter of the law for every single offense? This morning Larson was getting so frazzled and upset and I had two choices – make an issue of her fit or redirect her attention. I said, “Um, are you wearing a snow suit or a bathing suit to school?” And she forgot all about her fit and we laughed.
Get in there with them.
Ella had a friend over the other day and she got permanent marker on her face like a big black giant freckle. They were both giggling, but as time passed and more laughing occurred I could see it bothering her. She kept rubbing and was getting upset. It was permeant. I said, “R, would it make you feel better if we got that off? Or how about we all wear one?” And I put a black mark on me and Ella. And we all laughed. Her spirit returned.
Protector and advocator of her friends.
It’s Your child.
They are your child. You know them best. I remember when Larson was hurting so bad with reflux and Ashley gave me the permission to bang down the doors of the reflux doctors every 2 weeks if it wasn’t working. They have hundreds of patients. She is one. I’d rather risk being the annoying mom than risk leaving my child in harm’s way. I know this runs close to being overly protective – but you have to know the line when they need you to step in for them and when they need to work things out themselves. It is SO good for them to learn responsibility and hard work and solving problems. That’s an entire different post. I also recommend banging down the doors of heaven for wisdom and guidance.
There have been times that it went beyond my girls ability to decide or solve an issue. And as their mom – I have known (from a prompting of my heavenly Father) that it was time for me to step in and make a decision for them. I often know (with His discernment and guidance) what is best for their hearts and minds. It may mean yanking them from a sport or changing schools.
And it might be playing hookie today because she needs you. She just needs you.
Keep doing what you do best today.