(An open letter)
To my friend,
Today I poured my heart out to Jesus begging him to give you hope. Begging him to help you find one thing that you could be thankful for in that man who you dreamily fell in love with so many years ago. The one who is no longer captivating your heart.
My prayer for you is to serve him. To remember his love language and start there. For me it was acts of service.
I began by picking weeds from the yard. Wiping down the counter tops until they were shining. Cutting the grass during nap time. Flying of around the house picking up the toys so everything looked orderly.
Taking a moment for myself to pray before he walked in. Lord give me a joyful heart. Lord let me be quick to listen and slow to speak. Lord, let me be awed again by how he loves our children. Help me to see traces of the spunky man I fell in love with and help me lift him back into that high place. Help me to remove the log from my own eye and not look so intently at the speck in his.
Sister, this marriage you have is valuable. Anything valuable is worth protecting with every fiber of your being. There is someone out there trying to steal this away from you. He knows you well. He sees your pain. He whispers in your ear when your heart gets hurt and tells you it’s always going to be this way. He tells you loving you is not worth the cost.
He is your enemy – not your husband.
I’m reminded of Psalm 3 that my dearest friend Kylie prayed over me recently when I was going through a major personal struggle.
So many are saying, “God will never rescue him!” But you, O Lord , are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. I cried out to the Lord , and he answered me from his holy mountain. Victory comes from you, O Lord . May you bless your people.
Psalms 3:2-4, 8 NLT
I am praying that you call on the one who made you one in Christ. I am praying that you serve and that as you serve your heart will follow your actions. I’m praying you find yourself reflective as you serve, “Lord show me how I have contributed to where we are and give me the courage to apologize without excuses or pointing fingers.”
My deepest desire for you is to live your life in service to Jesus no matter what that could look like. (I’m not talking about any form of abuse here, I’m talking about normal interpersonal struggles that have deteriorated for way too long.)
Think about the stories that move you. There was a point when something huge was at stake and the character takes a huge risk and loves and fights for what they want. This is your story. This is the one your Heavenly Father will leverage. This is the battle he has invited you into and equipped you for, the only question is, “Will you fight until the death of your enemy?” That’s the commitment we signed up for when we took those sacred vows. This battle is fierce because your enemy knows you’re standing in the way of something with the highest value.
You see, I know this because I am you.
My marriage has been hard. There are times when I wondered if I was going to get through it. But now I’m here, on the other side, thankful for the encouragement and prayers of those who loved us and now, my sister, I am showing up to fight for you.
If this hits home with you today. Will you tell one person? Marriage is one of the most common struggles among mothers. However, we can’t discuss it or write about it without disrespecting our men or taking down the hearts of people we love (i.e. mother in laws). When you bring something to light – it starts losing its grip over your life. Call a friend. Email a friend. Send them this post. Schedule a coffee. Hire a counselor. Do something to expose a marriage worth fighting for.
Feel free to comment today with a fake name. Share your hearts. Let’s discuss. We won’t ever look at your email addresses or contact you.
The Lil Light O’ Mine team is praying for our marriages this week and FOR YOU.