A couple weeks ago, Ella turned 10 and this birthday hit me really hard. I’m a sensitive gal so tears come often, but this one was just hard. I was going through old photos and the weight of 10, double digits was just WOW.
She’s 10.
And I had a morning of just emotion – not grief. I think it was the gravity and reality of my baby girl growing up.
And then I get the call – my mom was crying too. I had posted a couple sappy photos with captions that made her start going. And she said,
I have these lyrics written down and I wanted to share with you. THIS is how YOU look at ME. And THIS is how Ella looks at YOU.
And then I read them and cried some more. Gulp.
Mommas. Read these words by Martina McBride and then sit with it a minute. Motherhood calls us higher. It breaks us. It opens our hearts wide open. But these little angels see us as heroes. They believe in us more than we do ourselves on many days. Lean into that and let that kind of love sit with you.
On the days when you screw it up – remember you are their only mom and in the core of their being – the look is there. You are made for them.
In my daughter’s eyes,
I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear,
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be,
In my daughter’s eyes
In my daughter’s eyes,
Everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace,
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak,
I find reason to believe,
In my daughter’s eyes
And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
How it puts a smile in my heart,
Everything becomes a little clearer,
I realize what life is all about,
It’s hanging on when your heart is had enough,
It’s giving more when you feel like giving up,
I’ve seen the light,
It’s in my daughter’s eyes
In my daughter’s eyes,
I can see the future,
A reflection of who I am and what will be,
And though she’ll grow and someday leave,
Maybe raise a family,
When I’m gone I hope you’ll see,
How happy she made me,
For I’ll be there,
In my daughter’s eyes
—–
The line that really got me was “she was sent to rescue me” and my Ella will never know until she looks into her daughter’s eyes (or son) what she’s done for me. She’s made me stronger, braver, wiser, more loving, etc. She’s allowed me to re-examine all of life in a way that only comes with giving your self to a child. When your heart is kicked open and selfishness is exposed. When you love so hard it hurts. When God refines and refines. Ella will not grasp it now but I am grateful and praying she’ll know one day.
One day – in her daughter’s eyes.
Thankful for Erin with Purpletree Studios who SO GENEROUSLY offered to come into our home and take some real life photos of me with my girls. These are a treasure to me.
Jesus, Nakedness & Your Kids