by Kristen Franklin
Hello Everyone! It is good to be back with you on here. I love this community of moms and I always love what I experience here. These last few months have been a bit of a doozy for me. Back in August, we started the process of selling our home because the commute to my job was just getting to be too much. I was getting home at night so late that my husband had no time with me or the boys, I was frazzled trying to decompress from a long day all while trying to get dinner ready and the 5000 other things necessary for a home to run. I had no time to myself and that isn’t good for anyone around me.
Well, when our house sold before we ever even put it on the market to someone who essentially dropped out of the sky, I was thrilled. It was a very short turn around and God provided a rental house with an incredible landlord who was willing to work with our desire to be able to move out if we found a house to purchase before May. All the pieces were falling in place and it felt incredible. I was full of excitement for what was ahead of us. The anticipation of settling into a new place with dreams of more neighborhood kids than I could throw a basketball at, a 10-20 minute commute, and a chance to make some of my Pinterest visions realities. I was going to be a nice wife and mom again. We were going to be able to sing Coombaya, birds would sing, and life was going to be good. Then the deal fell apart and after being gone for 2 months, we had to move back into our house.
I was heartbroken. I loved our house, but I didn’t want to go back.
I was confused because we were trying to honor God with our decisions and it seemed like God had opened every door to make it happen, yet we were having to go back to the very place we felt was causing such stress. For so many mornings, I would just cry out to God. I was confident he had us, but I just wanted things to be different. As I laid my confused and broken heart at God’s feet, I felt him moving in my heart and putting a question before me.
What if I were to focus more on the 3 other humans in my home more than I focused on the actual home? Ie. What if I loved the relationships he’s given me REALLY well no matter where I live with them instead of focusing on the outward circumstances? What if I was joyful even when I was on overload? What if I chose to giggle instead of scowl? What if I chose to watch movies snuggling under blankets just because?
I may be the only one, but it seems we can place such security in the four walls of our homes and sometimes even in the bank account that helps furnish our home, that we lose sight of what is happening in that home. We have these ideals of who and what we should be and we are crippled when we feel we fall short of them. We get freaked out when the account dips below the level we like it to stay above because somehow we think that level ensures we are ok. Through these tearful times with my Heavenly Father, he reminded me circumstances and things do not define me, HE DOES.”
He knows I hate the traffic and how long we sit in the car. He knows I hit sensory overload MUCH faster than most people. He knows it’s hard to have some neighbors that see kids as menaces and don’t want my boys outside in their own cul-de-sac. He knows I want to keep my great credit scores and have retirement savings. But I realized I had allowed concern over those things to rule me and dictate the tone of the environment around me. Things weren’t going to get better just because we lived in a different zip code. God gently reminded me that things were already pretty great because He is with me.
The same God who holds my hand when things get hard also stoops down to make me great. He’ll equip me to do what he wants me to do. He’s not put off by the crabby neighbor, the bad drivers or an empty savings account. Heck, he can even handle a little credit card debt!!! But he has gifted me with two boys who adore me, an amazing husband who loves me well, and a great network of friends and family who love me. I can focus on loving the people in my life really well and then trust my savior with the circumstances. I can slow down, ask for help where I need it, give myself a break, iron Luke’s 500 perler bead creations, play games with Jake, do dumb things to make Michael laugh, throw my mom a surprise 70th birthday party, and hang out in the cul-de-sac with my favorite neighbor til it’s dark. Those are the things that really matter to me.
God taught me A LOT through my housing situation and I am so grateful to be on His journey with these little guys.
What is God teaching you lately?
Are you seeing His perspective during your trials?