I was thinking today about courtney’s question to me, “what is God teaching me right now as a mom”?
I’m sure every mama with multiple children at multiple ages senses the tension of walking a delicate balance. the delicate balance between the joys and heartaches of our children, while often times on polar ends of the spectrum and often times simultaneously. the art of being able to smoothly transition from joys and accomplishments of one while another is struggling with heartache or disappointment.
I feel I’m more keenly aware of this shifting than I’ve ever been before.
maybe it’s me. maybe it’s the current ages of my four daughters.
in the last two years alone we’ve celebrated one’s high school graduation and subsequent acceptance and success at her first college choice. we’ve taught one to drive. we’ve helped another begin her own search for college. we’ve had physical injuries for one and friend troubles with another. we’ve had national honors acceptance for one and struggles in class for another. learning to say goodbye as a best friend moves to another state and maneuvering as a heart is broken by a boy. braces and trampolines, boys and sororities, baptisms and new cars.
and then there’s my role as a mom. I want to cheer on an champion the one who’s living her dream yet be tender and encouraging to the one with a broken heart.I want to applaud when one is asked to model for a photographer and yet be tender to the one who didn’t get asked to the dance. to share pictures of the highs and with the one that laughs yet be sensitive and not patronize the one who is feeling lonely.
and then there’s the new stage we’re in. that of sending, one at a time, out in to the world. this stage of parenting, I don’t think anyone could have prepared me. and while one is currently a college sophomore, the next one is on her heels as a highschool junior.
so what is God teaching me right now?
first of all, that He does rejoice with us when we rejoice and yet He’s also able to weep with those that weep too. there’s nothing wrong with encouraging the one child who’s in a good place. championing him on. the atta girl or the atta boy shouldn’t be tucked away just because they’re not all succeeding at the same time. He gently reminds me to seek out the one who needs a little extra and pour in to them then. maybe even more privately.
while I’ve far from arrived at this, He’s teaching me what makes each of my girls feel most loved. is it in a spoken word or is it in time spent together? is it in a snuggle & backrub before bedtime or is it leaving a little gift by her backpack? He’s teaching me to tune in to each of them ( & it honestly seems to change as they mature) and love them in the way they feel loved, not just out of the way I naturally show love.
the fact that He was a man who spent years with disciples ( albeit twelve men and not four teenage girls)… who clearly were all over the board with their temperaments and personalities just makes me laugh to myself. I wonder what chats on the boat were really like. did He ever roll His eyes?
and finally He’s teaching me how to begin the process that we honestly seem to begin from the day they’re born. that of learning to let them go…
the tension I sometimes feel as I try to dance through the delicate, ever changing seasons with my girls sometimes will look clumsy and sometimes I may fall…well, it’s just a daily reminder to me that I need a savior. and then my friends, there’s days where that dance is actually graceful and smooth. why it’s just downright beautiful. and on those days, I’m quickly reminded how blessed we are as mama’s that He’s with us through it all.