The Standard of Beauty

carroll family


Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.

Proverbs 31:25


These boys of mine? They don’t know the words that I know. The ones that swarm around in my head. The ones I’ve battled since I was in the third grade and was first aware of body image.


Words like fat.

And ugly.

And flabby.

And frizzy.

Chubby and awkward and any other word that we’ve all told ourselves at some point in our lives.


And it’s likely that some guy said it to us along the way, too.

I am so lucky to be married to a man who praises me and calls me beautiful. He loves what’s on the outside, and he especially loves what’s on the inside. (Though there is plenty to not love on the inside.) And while my darling husband has a responsibility to teach my boys how to talk to girls and how to talk about girls, I set the example.


By loving myself, and refraining from putting myself down in front of them, I am saving them from the idea that women are to be critiqued and judged and picked apart.


The truth is, I do pick myself apart. I do want to lose the last bit of baby weight and get back into my old clothes. I want to feel like the version of me that I can’t forget. The physical pre-baby version. And maybe I’ll work hard enough to do that for myself.


But that’s my issue. I never want to give my boys permission to do that. By loving myself right where I am, and allowing my husband to love me right where I am without making excuses about my post-baby body, or two-day hair, I am showing Hudson and Hayes to look deeper. To love people for more than what they see on the outside.


That just because their friends think it’s fun to compare and critique women, it’s okay if they don’t play along.


I want them to see a mom who works hard, who is comfortable with herself, and most importantly, let the smile on my face and the joy in my life define the way people see me on the outside. The presence of Jesus Christ in my heart and in my life and in my actions.


Boy moms, how are you talking to your boys about beauty? What are you showing them?

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  1. I haven’t had to do this yet, because Andrew hasn’t quite grasped the concept. To him, everyone is beautiful. I hope it can stay that way, but I know things will change over time!

  2. Great message Erin! As a mom of two boys myself I must remember this. It’s up to me to help mold their view of women. I need to be sure my hang ups don’t become theirs. I guess we are t off the hook because we do t have girls. 🙂

  3. Love this! You know…there’s so much focus on what to say to girls, this message is often unsaid. Thanks for sharing!

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