What a relief it is to know who is in charge of this life of mine. How comforted I am daily, even hourly, that my future is not my own, nor is it completely in my hands. Oh how many tears I have cried while praying, asking, sometimes demanding that I get the relief and answer that I want. The answer that I want. Honestly, I don’t even know what answer I want. I want what He wants and that’s it. Sometimes I just want clarity. I want to know what the Lord desires for my life, our life. I want to know where we will be down the road five years from now, 5 months from now. I want to know!!! But reality sets in, peace even. God, YOU know what it looks like. I trust you. Ah, there is the relief and the clarity. Sometimes it comes quickly. Sometimes it doesn’t and I get all in a tizzy. The thing is that the THINGS I am asking for aren’t really a big deal. Its simple stuff like, a little more space for my family to grow and more financial margin. These are a big deal to me, but as far as troubles go, I know they are minor. So I wait. And I am learning to wait patiently. I am learning to wait with contentment. I am learning to lean. I am learning to trust. I am learning. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Wow, do we have blessings? Are you kidding me?
God, thank you for my perfect mate, the handsome, selfless, wise man you have made my husband. Thank you for our beautiful and healthy and spunky girls. Thank you for blessing us with another baby in February! Thank you for the home you have provided for us. Small as it is, I am thankful, truly thankful. Thank you for our working cars. Thank you for our amazing church, fantastic neighbors, incredible friends who know and love you! Thank you for our family. Thank you for our clothes. Thank you for the food we have plenty of. Thank you for our electricity that works and that we can afford. Thank you for your Son Jesus who died for us in spite of all our failures.
I have so much to be thankful for. And yet, I ask for more! I know its not wrong to want more space, a little more room to grow and run and just be. But I also know it will be a luxury when we get it. And I will not take that for granted.
And so I wait. We have been praying and pleading for a great opportunity. For a new home. The waiting game lead us to the decision to rent our house. I am so hesitant but truly believe this is a place He lead us. So we follow. A week later, we have some wonderful potential renters. We shall see! If we rent our house out, then we realistically need to rent a place for ourselves, rather than buy. Today we thought we found the ONE!!! It went on the market last night. LAST NIGHT! I called this morning. It has been rented. Oh no you didn’t!!! The perfect price, great location, perfect. I thought it was a gift! I thought it was His doing. Maybe it was, but it wasn’t for us. So we wait. And we trust. And we follow. Its kind of exciting now! Its been such a process, now I just feel like He will give us what we want when He wants to. When we are ready. When He is ready! When He knows we will see Him in the process! That is so exciting to me! I mean, its just a new place to live, hopefully, but its more to me now that He is in this with us!
There have been so many ah-ha moments through the waiting. There are more unknowns ahead of us, but we are learning to lean on the One who knows what we do not. He knows the future. He knows OUR future! I praise you for that Lord! God is so good. In that I put my trust. He loves us. He wants whats best for us! That is so comforting. And thrilling!
“I waited patiently for the Lord,
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in God.”
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.”