Where should I begin? When I thought I had breast cancer last week or when my child didn’t get the class I wanted?
And, I’d love to write an entire different post on successes. I have had a lot of questions on my recent celebrations on whether they are self-made or favor by God. I’d love to address my best guess on that. I’ll come back to that another day.
So, when things don’t go well – how do I handle that? I’m sad to say, I didn’t do so great lately.
I just wanted to share because they were markers for me. Lessons for me that shined a light on how I can see God refining my character for the future. I thought I’d share since I’m always quick to share the good stuff.
I better share the breast stuff first. I started feeling pain on one side – like really uncomfortable. For about 3-4 days. I thought there is NO WAY I am pregnant.
I had a chiropractor/acupuncture appt for my migraines (I’ll try just about anything for my head at this points point). got worried I needed to know if I was pregnant prior to that appt. I sure did get a pregnancy test in Publix and take it IN THE BATHROOM WHILE TEXTING with Katie, Ashley, Amber and Kylie via group text.
Imagine …snorting from laughter, dropping everything, the first test not working, mass confusion from all the ladies, texting photos, Katie almost losing feeling in her limbs…. it was an epic feed of texts. Ron would’ve really enjoyed finding out about a third child after this nonsense. Oh good grief.
The result after two tests and almost sweating through my shirt – negative.
I immediately got concerned. This pain isn’t right. Something is wrong. So, I made an appointment for a few days later with my OB. I am giving you details because I think our health is so important. She did feel some lumpy stuff and said she wanted me to go to get a mammogram and an ultrasound right away. She left the room. And the tears starting pouring. She came back in and told me it was more than likely NOTHING and fybrocystic stuff. My mind just went all the way there. And fear started coming.
I sat in the car and boohooed by myself for a while and then make the appointment. And, wouldn’t you know my kindred spirit just knew to call and Katie calls in. Within one breath – she said, “What is wrong?” And she remained calm. But understood.
I am so thankful I called precious Bobbie Wolgemuth, a Stage 4 cancer survivor. My agent’s wife. She told me I was on assignment. To bring joy and light and hope to someone without it in the cancer center that day. Wow.
Up until her email – I had been reeling. Praying but scared. Living out of fear. And thinking the worst. I am a drama queen and a constant overeacter. I had pretty much planned who was watching the girls for my chemo treatments – my mind had gone that far. Then, I begin to think if it was good news – why me? why do others get bad news and why do I get good news? I was a mess. I am so glad she changed my mindset.
So many friends prayed and sweet Katie set her alarm every hour to pray.
So, it wasn’t until her email that I rested. I knew God had me. I got the proper perspective that it’s simply a a test and I don’t have enough information to freak out. She gave me the beautiful mindset to worry about others and not myself. And sure enough, a beautiful woman rolled up right next to me with chemo flowing through her veins. We had a wonderful chat.
My news was great – nothing. Clear. Body changes in my time of the month and a harmless cyst. So, I let that rule me and my thoughts because I had some PMS? Wha?
Next health scare, I hope I’ll wait for more facts – remain in peace that God has it. Look for others over myself more quickly. I preach some mighty claims out of this mouth – but when it gets tough, how do I react? That is convicting me this week. I am also thinking about what does fear say about my amount of trust?
So, for those that are facing cancer or don’t get the good news. Will you know that I prayed for you on that table that day? They took forever coming back to me and I laid there thinking how many women have gone before me and how different their road must be. You are strong. God loves you so very much. Don’t give up.
I’ll do the next one quickly. School Drama.
But friends – this has me crying all day yesterday. I told you – drama queen. Every text to her friend’s moms confirmed they were all in the other class. And, with every text – my heart sunk. I was heartbroken for her, but honestly for me. I wanted to be with my friends. I wanted her to have some friends she knew in her class. Does it matter? No. Does God have this? Sure does. Will I probably LOVE this teacher and every mom in there. You betcha.
I handled it like a baby and a raging helicopter mom. I preach to my kids to “hold their tongue” and I’ll fire off a text and email in two flat seconds. I have them memorize “Do everything without complaining or arguing” and I did both of those ALL DAY to anyone that would listen.
Why can’t I just pray and wait to get proper perspective? UGH!!! The truth is that it’s hard not to take some of these things personally.
The truth is that I wish some things had been handled differently by the school, but who the heck am I? We are one family in a sea of families. They have so much on their plates. How much grace did I offer them yesterday? I am supposed to be the SUPER Christian on their roster and I believe I was their biggest drama of the day yesterday. That doesn’t match up. It doesn’t mean I just take it and never speak up – but I could’ve handled it much better.
My learning was to wait, pray and wait some more. See it for what it is in the scheme of life. Try not to take it so personally. Get the FACTS again before reacting and just maybe trust that God has bigger better things for my girl in store that I cannot see. I love this school and I know they love my child. I have to remember that truth, even when things don’t go my way.
So, learn from me… in the mess. In the mistakes. Trust God. His plan is way better than our fleshly gut reactions.
And one other important lesson… world isn’t revolving around you courtney defeo. Oh and there’s that.