Is it possible to be a 2-time widow? Is it possible to survive that and still love God?
My friend Rachel is a survivor, a warrior for God and her kids.
Your’e in for a treat today.
“Why is life so hard, Mom?”
My precious six year old kindergarten, new glasses wearing, ninjago lego loving little boy just asked me the hardest question I can remember in a long while. You know why it’s a hard question….because life IS hard and I wanted to just wallow for a minute.
Do you ever just want to wallow? Like a pig?
Like a dog with an itch in the grass?
“Snap out of it Rachel…what are you thinking…we don’t wallow.”
I told my self.
And then…..I paused a moment to reflect on just what is making my own life hard right at the moment. Then there’s the selling of our home of 18 months that I purchased because I wanted, needed, ‘had’ to have it and yet God had told me how much to spend on our home but I disobeyed. It was inconvenient to obey.
My new term for this in my life is “inconvenient obedience.”
Anybody? In theory, I was the bride at the back of the church who did it even though she wanted to throw up because she walked as the bridal march played and thought the cost (of the wedding) was too great to stop. Yep…that was me….so now it’s a little hard because I, single mom with two kids, get to sell my house and be submissive to my sweet Daddy who is a gentleman and has reminded me constantly of why He wants that margin in my life. Love Him deeply that He is slow to anger.
Then there’s that dad gum purse I bought in NYC over Christmas (this is trivial but just go with me on the obedience theme)….let me rephrase that….2 purses and two wallets….that I bought from the lady in Chinatown. WHY? Why do I do this? And then I watched Passion Live Stream and found out that more than likely that by buying this junk I am no doubt fueling slavery (that would be 27 million total worldwide….shocking..heartbreaking) and basically God in his sweetness again said….
“You want to be done with that now?”
Yes, Daddy…I do.
Hello freedom….you are so beautiful.
And relationships….wow, those are hard.
BUT….after I paused to reflect, I sadly did not have the ammunition that I wanted to have. Now, I’m not saying I wanted to quote 12 scriptures to my 6-year-old, but this is what I wanted….I wanted HIS WORD alive and active in me to plant my feet on….and it wasn’t there in that moment. I don’t want to miss that moment again. Granted…I held him close and told him that I agreed that life was hard but that we had Jesus and let’s look at what we do have to be thankful for.
I wanted Phil 1:21….To LIVE IS CHRIST, Davis!
John 10:10…The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy,
but Jesus has come that we might have life more abundant.
I LOVE THE MESSAGE translation of this….
“A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy.
I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.”
A better life with Jesus than we ever dreamed of…..that’s it.
That’s what I wanted to say in a way that his sweet tender heart who longs for his daddy,
who met Jesus 4 years ago when he was two, could understand.
You see this question came after he wanted me to dictate on a note that we will tie to a balloon tomorrow to ‘send’ to God…..
I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING FUN IN HEAVEN WITH THE LORD! YOU KNOW I MISS YOU AND I REMEMBER YOU AND I REMEMBER HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD PLAYING WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE.
I KNOW YOU LOVE ME LOVE, DAVIS
P.S. WHY IS LIFE SO HARD?
And again, Phillpians 1:21 ends….to die is gain. I also said this to him….”Baby boy, there is a part of me that knows this life is hard because Jesus always wants us to know that this is not our home and that something awaits us that will be so amazing.” It will and by golly this ‘hard stuff’ is nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed to us.
Y’all let’s be ready…armor on….with His sword in our hands…sharper than ever in 2012 …1 Pet 3:15-16…..let’s be ready to give an account of the hope that is within us!!
Especially to our kids! Woohoo!
(Oh, how I wish each of you could hear her precious Southern voice saying this post. Oh wait – you can! Her video testimony is right here. Please take a moment to watch the story of how this rock of a woman has lost 2 husbands and lived to tell about it. And lived to proclaim God’s goodness and glory. You inspire me Rachel, always. Thank you for teaching me again. – Courtney)