WARNING: MAJOR PITY PARTY BELOW
I had the amazing pleasure of spending over an hour with
Lysa from Proverbs 31 recently.
So many things she said spoke to me,
but she really encouraged me to write from struggles.
It is so easy to write on the good stuff and what’s going right.
However, women want to see where you struggle and
how God shows up and how you come through the other side.
I thought it was interesting that she also said that most women she encounter BELIEVE there is a God.
Many don’t think He can work.
I believe He can work. I don’t believe He makes your life perfect.
I believe He called my family to move to Orlando. It doesn’t make it all roses.
I have a TON to be grateful for – amazing job for my husband, brand new house, movers that moved us, great neighbors, great school for girls and the list goes on.
He hasn’t spoken audibly to me, but on MANY occasions through circumstances, people and scripture.
I believe He has shown me that He is here and has a plan for my life.
He has a plan for us in Orlando.
I am just struggling bad today and I thought you should know.
You can read facebook and the blog and think it’s all roses.
It’s just not reality.
I have ups and downs too.
I miss my parents.
I miss everything familiar.
I miss my church.
I want to go hold Katie’s baby and help her with everything the way she has for me the last 5 years.
I want to be at Cora and Maddox’ birthday party.
I want to see my nephews.
Fighting back tears,
I made my struggling 5-year-old go into church today
because she doesn’t have a friend and she’s scared.
I had to beg the teacher (remind her that we
were new to town) to help her make a friend.
I had to pathetcially stalk the mother of a child in Ella’s class
after church and ask her to be a friend to my child.
I left our new church today and had to fight tears
all the way down the hall to get my kids.
I cried all the way home and then lied to my child and said
I was just “sick” so she wouldn’t know I was homesick.
I’m so grateful to the number of people reaching out to be my friend,
but praying God will show me who really wants a friendship and who isn’t feeling sorry for me.
No one has time for another relationship and I don’t want to be that charity case in town.
I’m wishing our houses weren’t so close together in this neighborhood,
because I know the neighbors can hear how HORRIBLE the girls are being right now.
I don’t know if it’s adjustment, me or the combo – but it’s like they are possessed.
And, no sitters or grandparents here that would normally give me a nice sanity break to step away and think clearly about this situation.
I have to be honest that as much as I want to “work” on my house and decorate and spend way too much money.
The most work in the house needs to be my marriage and my kids behavior.
The great news is that He will renew my strength and spirits.
He will remind me that there is purpose way beyond me and this city. It’s called His kingdom.
He will give me enough strength to get HIS WILL done – not everything else thrown my way.
I was reminded today that I need to do a great job with exactly what He’s given me – marriage, kids, etc. BEFORE I can expect or beg for more.
So, if the “product line” for Lil Light O’ Mine doesn’t come through – that’s OK and I shouldn’t even be surprised.
How am I doing with what He’s given me so far?
As I say to my kids… are you doing your very best?
Right now – NO.
I’m a mom like you that’s deeply wants to do her best to love Jesus and teach her kids to do the same.
I want them to know life isn’t perfect with Him.
That there are ups and downs and He is constant.